itunes top twenty five

a friend of mine wrote a blog not too long ago; he commented on the fact that you can tell a lot about someone by their top twenty five most-played songs in itunes. it really was fascinating, so i thought i'd do the same. [i also need to get my computer fixed; my playcounts may or may not survive... so here are the ones that matter in case i lose everything.] i'd like to make this a yearly thing to see how my tastes change, so let's hope the playcounts make it through the trip to the computer doctor.

1. untitled/fork and knife - brand new
2. millstone - brand new
3. should you return - copeland
4. tautou - brand new
5. jesus - brand new
6. sic transit gloria... glory fades - brand new
7. typical - we the living
8. skinny love - bon iver
9. saint paul - we the living
10. it's about time - barcelona
11. i will play my game beneath the spin light - brand new
12. sowing season - brand new
13. degausser - brand new
14. okay i believe you, but my tommy gun don't - brand new
15. sedated - mikky ekko
16. half the girl - we the living
17. re: stacks - bon iver
18. blood bank - bon inver
19. best laid plans - we the living
20. the day i lost my voice (the suitcase song) - copeland
21. guernica - brand new
22. limousine (ms rebridge) - brand new
23. the first single (cause a scene) - the format
24. london rain - we the living
25. heartbeats - jose gonzalez

i'll let the list speak for itself, but here are a few notes i'd like to make:

• the last time i listened to any of the numerous brand new songs up there, was in july. five months ago. i'm not sure what happened, but my obsession is finally slowing.
• untitled/fork and knife, the number one song, is actually just a single. it's not even on an album. it's really different from anything else brand new has ever put out, and i think that's precisely why it's number one.
• mikky ekko's sedated is at a lofty number fifteen. i learned of his existence a mere two months ago. whoa.
• the first time i heard the song heartbeats, was actually as a cover by william beckett on his acoustic tour last year. it made me cry, thus i had to find the real song.

as for my predictions about next year... who knows. i have a feeling brand new will eventually cycle out and copeland, manchester orchestra, the working title and barcelona will take over. but we shall see. i still have a bunch of money to spend on all new music.

please don't go - william fitzsimmons

there is something about this time of night. something about this song on repeat. something about it that reduces me to just the bareness of my soul and makes me so utterly calm, yet so broken down and torn up inside and exposed to everything in the world, all the hurt in the world, yet all of it's beauty - it's dizzying amount of beauty - all at once. it leaves me speechless. and it breaks me down to tears.

it makes me want to hop in my car and drive with the windows down so i can feel the wind rip through my hair, even though it's an icy twenty degrees outside. makes me want to call you right now just to talk about it, but it's four in the morning and i prefer the realm of my comfort zone. i want to know what THIS is. what is it, that gets into my heart and eats it alive, yet motivates it and moves it like this? it breaks my heart, but i think it heals it a little bit, all at the same time. it's happiness and complete loss and sadness at the same time. and i just don't understand how that's possible.

this was private. and i'm wrestling with making it public. raw thought without any edits. here we go, before i change my mind.

st. louis: cavashawn and eikon

another blog? and so soon?

"devon, we're tired of your fucking show reviews."

i can read your minds already. but it's just too bad; you'll have to get over it. because it's what i do. and i try my best to keep in mind that i should write for myself, not to please an audience. have patience; because every once in a while a heartfelt something-or-other makes it's way in here. but for now, here's a little diddy about some of my favorite chicagoans.

amanda and michele came in town for this show and i couldn't have been more excited. i was still riding out the wave of my nashville high, and another show was right around the corner. partayyyyy. these two girls are some of my favorites and i would consider us the original three muskateers of our little "music group" if you will. they showed up to my house at two so we sat around and talked for a while, eventually got some dinner and headed down to cicero's. one of the bands dropped off the bill last minute, so some singer-songwriter was added and played first. he was alright, but i don't really remember much of him. we were too busy catching up on gossip, since that's generally all that gets thrown around when cavashawn comes to town. [the latest being that cavashawn got asked by the academy is... to join their "almost here" anniversary show at the metro... how fucking rad is that?] they eventually played second to a good sized crowd. lots of regular fans, lots of psycho fan-girls, and lots of fans of the headlining band, eikon, who played next. man oh man. this is my third time seeing eikon, and every time they just get better and better. i'm terrible at it, but if i had to do some comparisons, i'd say they remind me of a mix of thom yorke [solo album, not exactly radiohead] and muse, maybe. i'm sad to say i have yet to really talk to any of them or introduce myself, but i do know they're originally from st. louis, and moved to nashville about a year ago. the first time i saw them they claimed it was their last show since two members were going away to college, but obviously they're back in action. i know i don't really have the authority to say who's a legit band and who's not... but these guys are the real deal, and i don't think they quite realize it. i've been to a lot of shows and i've seen my fair share of bands. and i just know - i get this feeling - when bands have really hit the mark. and these guys have that "something" about them that's caught my eye. their myspace doesn't do them much justice and neither do their recordings even [look em up on itunes and listen to 'careful hands steady hands'] but the live show... whole different story. i'm just patiently waiting for the years to pass and hear their name pop up again in some magazine or whatnot. i have faith that they can "make it", whatever that means in today's music world.

so anyways. enough about bands that i don't even know. we sat around for a while afterwards and we eventually all made our way to a steak n shake. i don't know what it is, but the combination of us girls plus four band boys received lots of stares that night. hilarity ensued, good food was had, and we eventually said our goodnights and goodbyes. love those boys. what a fantastic night. we headed home and crashed into bed. amanda and meesh headed home around ten or so the next morning and that was that. successful trip to cicero's. if only i could count exactly the number of shows i've seen there... it's a ridiculous one, that's for sure.

upcoming blogs: some sort of "looking back on 2009/resolutions for 2010" narrative, a list of my top 25 songs in itunes, a list of unsigned bands that will forever humble me, and a treaty of paris review after their cd release party on january 9th -- BAM.

nashville: we the living and mikky ekko

ohhh nashville. nashville crashville. as in crash on a couch cushion in the hallway sharing a pillow with some dude you met a few hours ago... but we'll get to that in a minute.

this is the show i'd been waiting for. this is the show that i made up a "dying aunt" for, so i could take my french final early and be able to go. the things i do for my friends and the music they make... it was my first time going to nashville; surprising, considering just how many shows i drive to. left around two, took my time, made a few stops and showed up at 12th and porter at a little before eight. and at the exact same time as nora, her brother ryan, and her friend olivia, which worked out perfectly considering i went alone. [what's new?] we meandered our way in only to find out that doors were at nine. so we [maybe?] crashed some family holiday party in the bar area until doors opened. the show didn't end up starting until close to ten. we the living played first with a full band! read: FIVE people! oh em gee! and they've never sounded better. it was probably the best i'd heard them, and they even played joy. oh happy day. there was a pretty full crowd too, so that was nice to see. sarah silva was next and DAMN does that girl have a voice. close your eyes and you'd think it's a fifty year old black woman; open them and you see a slinky little blond up there belting it out hardcore. so yeah, she kicked ass. up next was mikky ekko. holy saint that is mikky ekko. praise be to mikky ekko, the almighty master of the nashville scene... [too much? please, don't question it.] he was fantastic. best live show i've probably ever seen. he could have stood up there in a clown suit rapping in spanish and i would have been just as enthralled. i really can't even explain, it was just amazing and that's about all i can tell you. and for all his insanely crazy moves and weird stage presence... totally quiet and shy in person. very... out there. but wicked sweet.

i traded lots of hugs post show, met lots of new friends including tim, brian and molly and jp's girlfriend audrey, and talked with both sarah and mikky for a little bit. he definitely knew who i was because of facebook and twitter when i introduced myself... "it's mueller right? devon mueller?" *fangirl moment* [i was also introduced as @devonlynn earlier in the night... twitter is taking presedence over real names these days, didn't ya know?] so we [me, nora, olivia and ryan] eventually headed out and made our way to wethecastle, better known as wethefrathouse in my humble opinion. we got the obligatory tour, hung out for a good five minutes... then the beer arrived and before i knew it, was being peer pressured into a game called civil war. [some friends i have, huh? tsk tsk.] it's basically a free-for-all beer pong with more beer. so i played barely two rounds [thanks for chugging my leftovers matt] and was drunk within oh... maybe like a half hour? haha. ben and i then proceeded to polish off an entire bag of doritos. oh yeah. ridiculous shenanigans ensued until six in the morning... but i must protect the identities of the innocent as well as the not so innocent. we all ended up crashing for a few hours in the hallway. right in front of someones door. on couch cushions and band-van seats. yeah, it was great lemme tell ya. so i laid there for a few hours, got up and dragged myself into the kitchen. drank amazing coffee, said goodbyes to fantastic new friends, woke up lazy bum who was still passed out at two, and eventually was on my way back home. no idea how i survived that drive. whew.

so here i am. back to the harsh reality of real life which shouldn't even seem that harsh since i'm on break. but it does for some reason. those people, the combination of all of them together, just makes me so happy, so truly and honestly, one hundred and ten percent happy, that i don't know what to do with myself. i sound like a fucking cheeseball but it's true. plain and simple. i love my friends. my band friends, my band-related friends, my far-away friends, both new and old. and i love how randomly i have met each and every one of them.

*warm-fuzzies-but-wishing-i-were-still-in-nashville*

identity

i am not some definition you can look up or find in a dictionary. there are no synonyms of me either. i am not a cookie cutter person. there is no right or wrong answer about who i am. i am fluid; constantly changing and constantly figuring things out, discovering myself and becoming myself. tell me no and i'll do it out of spite. tell me you think you know who i am and i will immediately show you something different. the fact of the matter is, i can't define myself.

i do know that i have opinions. and some of those opinions involve refusing to have an opinion on matters that don't concern me. i know that i am smart. i am a christian. and i am a libertarian. i would consider myself peaceful and open-minded. i am a romantic at heart. i think freud believed in a load of bullshit. and i have very strong opinions when it comes to music. and very strong opinions about my friends and their music. i will always put up a fight for them. because i believe in them. i believe in God, i believe in love, i believe in truth. and i believe we each have an identity that is to each our own, and that is so sacred.

the point is this. i may not have it all figured out. and i may never have it all figured out. but i am in the process, and i am learning. i am trying to establish my identity. i am trying to establish what i stand for, who i stand for, what i love, and who i love. and i am trying to find the answers. my sociology class this semester has taught me to constantly ask questions and never search for answers - "the knowledge stops when you answer questions, the conversation stops" is what my professor tried to drill in our minds. there is nothing wrong with asking questions. but i believe there are indeed answers out there. i KNOW there are answers. for each and every one of us. for me. and i intend to find them.

"how am i not myself?"

lawrence: the noise fm

i've seen a lot of the noize boyz recently and it's been great. they're so down to earth and so polite and i just can't get enough of the sweet southern accents. they'd been peer pressuring me to come to one of their hometown shows for a while now and this was the perfect opportunity. nothing better than a holiday show on a saturday to round out the last week of the semester. mike and sonja made the drive over from chicago, those crazy cats. it was thursday night when mike texted me "hey we're driving through columbia right now and i thought of you". long story short, we ended up at cracker barrel! haha. it was so weird to see them in my neck of the woods; i'm always the one making the drive up to chicago. but anyways, we had dinner, chatted, said goodbyes, and that we'd all see each other again on saturday.

saturday rolled around and i made the two and a half hour drive west - not too bad and i'll admit, this was only my second time venturing any further west than columbia. first time in lawrence too! it's a cute little city and has a really small downtown area - reminded me a lot of the loop in st. louis. the boys were [like always] too kind and guest-listed me, and i got to the bottleneck right in time for doors. the stage was beautifully decorated with presents, trees, lights, balloons and everything holiday-related. the opening bands were nothing to write home about, but mike kept me company and the noise fm eventually played fourth out of five bands. it was great to see them amidst a legit crowd, and it was even more exciting to see them rocking out while wearing ugly christmas sweaters... i made it home by around three something in the morning.

so that was saturday. i took my one and only final on friday and turned in my one and only paper earlier today. and that was it. my semester is over and done with. today is monday [tuesday morning] and i am sitting at home in st. louis nice and comfy by the fire. thank god i got that french final rescheduled; it was originally supposed to be this thursday at five thirty in the evening... but i'm trekking down to nashville on thursday to see we the living, so that wasn't an option. solution? fabricate a "dying family member" that i must visit, and therefore get my final rescheduled for an earlier date. i'm so going to hell. but hopefully it'll be worth it. i'm looking forward to a relaxing few days at home, some fantastic times in nashville, then some quality time with amanda and michele this weekend who are coming in town for the cavashawn show. good times ahead, my friends.

st. louis: see the world and my lady four

see the world and my lady four so kindly decided to grace me with their presence again, and it was lovely. my school schedule has been dwindling down and i ended up not having any classes scheduled for tuesday, the day of the show. so i decided to drive home to st. louis monday night and hang out there for a day or so. it was nice not having to rush off right after class and try to make it in time for the show. i got to sleep in, accomplished some homework, ate dinner with my dad and eventually headed down to cicero's. jeremy, sam and i sat outside and caught up on life for quite a while and met building rome's booking agent. turns out they actually played with building rome the night before in lawrence. [and alex from the noise fm was at the show... small fucking world, right?] he couldn't get over just how many bands i knew and how "connected" i was. it just makes me laugh because i don't even attempt to make most of these things happen, a lot of it just does because of off-handed suggestions and the fact that i go to fifty million shows. but i love it.

my lady four was third on the line up so we headed inside the venue to see them play and there was a pretty good crowd. i feel like the majority was there for them and see the world, which is good. much better than the last time they played cicero's too, so that's progress and that's what makes me happy. see the world played after them and sounded really great. they've certainly improved since i'd seen them last at the end of september. and next time they're around they'll have a drummer as opposed to laptop tracks, so that's exciting. you know it's good when you get goosebumps and 'haunted' always gives me goosebumps.

i bought some cd's, watched everyone pack up, and eventually headed home with jeremy in tow and everyone else eventually following in the van. they were very happy to have a place to stay, but unfortunately about four of the six were highly allergic to cats. apparently there's some kind of strange psychology behind the people who offer bands a place to sleep... everyone started CRACKING UP when i said i had a cat. supposedly like 78 out of the 80 houses they've slept at on tour ALL had cats, or some ridiculous number like that. seriously though, what does that mean? we got home and i gave jeremy the obligatory basement tour and we had our traditional bowl of ice cream at two in the morning. good times, let me tell you. so i ended up never really going to bed... got up at six thirty, showered, ate and everyone was packed up and headed out the door by eight. two hours back to school for me, ten hours back to minneapolis for them. probably longer considering the terrible weather. but it was a great night [rough morning] and i very much enjoyed myself. i think i said the same thing in my previous post about the see the world, but it's still so strange to me how i've only seen jeremy like three times before and sam once, and yet i feel like i've known them forever. and my lady four is such a sweet [and hilarious] group of guys; the thank you's and appreciation was never ending. it's a fact. i love band boys.

so now i'm back at school. i survived my last day of classes [and a final] on zero sleep. i have done essentially nothing today since we didn't have classes. tomorrow i will take my french final. saturday i will go to lawrence to see the noise fm's holiday show. sunday will be dedicated to finishing my last paper. and monday i will turn in said paper and head home for christmas break. i can't believe this semester is over already. and i can't believe i'm getting close to being halfway done with college. fuck.

columbia and st. louis: the noise fm

night one - what better way to end a stressful week than with a show involving some of your favorite people [with the cutest accents ever]? nothing comes to mind. the noise fm rolled into columbia thursday night and put on a great show. most of the line-up was really great in fact, aside from the headliner. [aren't headliners supposed to be the good band of the night? ...i thought so too.] we are voices played first. i've seen them a couple times before and they're really great. finally got a chance to introduce myself too; lucas gave me a free cd and shirt which was rad. rocketboys, from somewhere in texas played next, then giant radio, the noise fm, and finally moonrunner. moonrunner was kind of a shit show but whatever. the first four bands made up for it. also really glad there was a real crowd this time; last time the noise fm played columbia i was one of maybe five people in attendance... haha. yeah progress!

i went home and did some homework while the guys worked out the money situation, and they somehow ended up at a rave in an abandoned meat packing plant... [don't ask, i haven't a clue.] well it was pretty sketch i assume and they showed up a while later and passed out in my living room. and left a sweet little note in the morning about loving my apartment but it needing some cats. good times. we said our goodbyes and i promised to see them yet again in under twelve hours. i went to class, they went to the city museum.

night two - decided last minute to pack a bag with the thought of actually staying the night in st. louis, and headed east around five. dropped by the house, snuggled my kitty, and headed down to the firebird. i was a little worried at first because the venue was pretty empty, but it was the headliner's farewell show so it filled up soon enough. first band was "eh", and the noise fm played second. they blew everyone else of the night out of the water. i feel like they've had a lot of shitty luck when it comes to st. louis shows - one thing or another seems to not work out too well - but this time there was a decent [and old] crowd and they were really receptive. lots of toes tapping and heads bobbing. i feel like they're finally making some progress which makes me happy. they're too good to go unnoticed. i left pretty soon after the show; hunger and exhaustion were pulling me home, but overall it was a great two days. i'm looking forward to their hometown show next weekend in lawrence. rumor has it some crazy chicagoans are making their way down. it should be a good time.

chicago: fourth annual fall formal

featuring state and madison, urbanites, windsor drive, and koo koo kanga roo

what a perfect way to end thanksgiving break. a trip to chicago! [seriously, what else were you expecting?] it was the fourth annual fall formal, but this was my first year in attendance. it's been a slowly building tradition, but everyone treats this show as a sort of prom, and gets all dressed up and ready to party. in the words of mike racanelli, "what do girls like to do? get dressed up and dance." lights, streamers, balloons, confetti, a photo booth... my oh my, was it a good time.

i left around ten on saturday and made good time; arrival time in chicago = around three o clock. it's amazing how the absence of traffic can literally shave an hour off of that commute. meesh and i met sam at her house, but decided to go to liz's house to get ready instead. sam's mom was in "a mood" and nobody wants to intrude on those treacherous mom moods. sam's car had been overheating so i braved the chicago streets with great success. we got dressed and primped and fussed until everything was perfect and headed down to beat kitchen.

koo koo kanga roo was up first and i'll have to admit we were all a bit skeptical from what we'd heard prior to the show. they're not exactly a band. i'd call them more "entertainers" or "performers" maybe. rappers, as opposed to musicians if anything. but they were hysterical, and i enjoyed their set. lots of break dancing in the middle of the dance floor, lots of yelling and chanting and crowd participation, and lots of silly dances. it was a fun way to start the night. windsor drive was up next and they played a solid set. i really enjoyed their music and ended up buying two EPs after the show. nice guys, and all very nice looking as well. up next were urbanites who BLEW MY FUCKING MIND. i've said it before and i'll say it again: every time i see them they have improved ten fold. they just finished recording an album and it'll be out in early 2010. i highly suggest you pick it up. i swear to you, these guys are gonna blow up soon. they only played one old song if i'm remembering correctly, but all the new stuff was great. two of their new songs involved a mini orchestra and it was epic. i had goosebumps. can't wait for them to play some more shows in the future

and finally, last but certainly not least, was state and madison. i'm usually good at taking mental notes but i was having to much fun and didn't really care to keep track of anything. i don't remember much of the set list, but i remember it being awesome. i believe there were four covers thrown in there; i love rock and roll being the last song of the night and involving members of treaty of paris and cavashawn swarming the stage for a jam session with the entire crowd dancing and screaming "i love rock and roll." it was pretty bad ass. i also remember being severely worried about jonah's health at one point. he makes strange faces all the time and he falls off his stool all the time, but this time i was just hoping he would make it through the set without passing out or throwing up. he made it though, and all was well.

we all made our rounds afterwards. i bought some merch, talked to windsor drive, part of treaty, part of cavashawn and said hurried goodbyes to mike and most of state and madison. being underage, we were all shooed outside and proceeded to stand around for another hour. chatted with various people, took some pictures, met a few band boys' girlfriends who know me as "girl with the bear in her basement", and gave some hugs. we left at last and a whole slew of about thirteen girls and one guy went out for dinner. stephanie so graciously let meesh and i stay with her, so we eventually ended up crashing over there. and i was on my way back to columbia by eleven the next morning.

thanks to everyone for such a fantastic weekend. i can't even begin to describe how much i love all of those people. there are just too many of them. they're seriously my family away from home and i feel like i can say that i feel like i belong more in chicago's music world than i do in st. louis's. but thanks to sam, meesh, liz, stephanie and nikki most of all. and molly, andrea, sonja, veronica, alex, and everyone else i only sort of know, and everyone i met for the first time, and all the band guys who i'm not about to list. you make feel warm and fuzzy inside. love youuuuu.

p.s. congrats to sonja on her 81st state and madion show. fuck yeah.

p.p.s. i'll try and add some pictures when i get the chance.

home is where the heart gets confused

i've been home for a good while now on thanksgiving break. and on my to-do list, one line reads "write a heartfelt blog." i've been putting it off for most of the week because i'm trying to process things and organize my thoughts with all of the extra time on my hands. well so much for extra time. i always have good intentions of being an introvert on breaks and hanging around coffee shops reading and writing all day. but i get caught up in the various friend and family related activities because it's necessary to uphold all of my relationships with these people. so the reading and writing gets pushed aside until god awful hours of the night. so here i am, probably with overly emotional words because that's just how things work with me and three am.

first, is my home in st. louis. and the idea that's firmly planted in the back of my mind, seeing as my dad actually brought it up in conversation. he wants to sell the house and move to the farm in illinois. he wants to sell our home, my home. the first thought that comes screaming to the forefront of my mind is this: "but it's not what my mom would have wanted!" a) we agreed as a family years ago that the house wouldn't be sold until i was out of college and settled in a stable home somewhere. b) i don't want to live in the middle of nowhere, even if i won't have a permanent residence there. i know these things happen; it's a part of growing up. but you have to understand that every "family" decision that takes place now, solicits heightened emotion from me because my mom isn't here to be a part of it. my dad and i are polar opposites and we will never agree on a lot of things. my mom was the understanding one, always mediating and helping us see eye to eye. i mentioned the fact that i would no longer receive in-state college tuition if he moved while i'm still in school, and i'm hoping that's enough to keep him rooted here for two more years. i'm so emotionally attached to this place and saying goodbye is going to be rough.

second, is my home in columbia. dorm life wasn't my thing; i never felt settled and i never felt comfortable. so i moved off campus into an apartment and life took a huge turn for the better. i have my own room with a door i can close, i have my own bathroom, a kitchen, a living room and anything else i could ask for. i was finally settled in somewhere with no worries about having to uproot my life again for a solid three years. well i guess i got too comfortable. because i got the boot. kelly, our fourth roommate who was placed at random, is moving out at the end of the summer - that, i knew about and was fine with. i still had a place to live with two friends i trusted. katie and bri had talked briefly about getting a house or something, but realized prices were too high and decided to stay put, which we had all agreed on. but in the last week, they've decided to get their own place - one bedroom, one bath, with no one else in the way of their relationship. so that leaves just me, which isn't an option, no way. i can't say i'm mad at them for leaving me, because i know that's not the intention. but a little sympathy for the "other friend" (me) would be nice, and a little warning and conversation with the other two girls i'm planning to live with would have been nice too. because now i have to uproot my life once again and move in with angie and abby. good thing i have some friends willing to let me live with them. i guess all i can say, is that i'm happy i'll have my own bathroom now. and i really hope nothing goes south in katie and bri's relationship.

as for life besides my current housing situations, it's pretty good. my annual winter depression is trying to worm it's way into my mind, but i feel like i'm doing alright this time around. i'm chicago-bound on saturday, then back for two-ish weeks of classes with three shows thrown in the mix, then HOPEFULLY going to nashville on the seventeenth, depending on whether or not my petition for a different final exam date is approved. cross your fingers. shit's gonna fly if i'm not driving east that thursday morning...

kirksville: regina spektor

just when i go and write this huge long post about not many shows in the near future...

to be honest i kind of forgot about the plans i had to go to kirksville for the weekend to see miss spektor. but alas, it was a good time. i more or less used the show as an excuse to visit my best friend kiera though; i hadn't seen her in ages and it was great to catch up. not to say that i don't like regina spektor... i do. i just don't actively listen to her music and keep up with current albums. but the show itself was absolutely amazing. add her to the list of artists you need to see live in concert before you die. fer realz. this chick has some LUNGS. and some RANGE. whew. opening band was pretty legit too - they were called jupiter one. i was with not-so-regular-concert-going people though, so i didn't get to meet anyone afterwards. but it was still a great time and regina gave me goosebumps and produced tears on multiple occasions.

short and sweet, there you go.
the show was just too awesome not to mention at all.
and like i said, just when i mentioned no shows in the near future...
see the world is apparently playing on campus this wednesday?
but i've been hearing rumors that it's being cancelled due to rain?
i guess we'll see.

four days until thanksgiving break!

genuine thoughts

there has been a brief lull in shows and to be honest, i'm breathing a sigh of relief. there isn't much going on in that aspect of my life [besides fall formal] until december. as much as i love the lifestyle of traipsing about the country to hear amazing bands and see good friends, it's difficult to balance with the demands of school and always-looming deadlines. the stress was accumulating and i apparently wasn't dealing with it too well, especially in the past two weeks or so. i was on the verge of a panic attack for a while, and actually talked myself out of one that started to come on in class one day... i guess that's progress? avoidance, when it comes to panic attacks at least, is a good thing. but regardless, the end of all that came with the end of last week. the weekend was full of nothing, and that's precisely what i needed. this week has been pretty low key too and i'm glad of it.

***

this blog has pretty much turned into a list of show reviews, but i think i'm okay with that. my previous blogs were so riddled with depressing stories and teen angst and emo lyrics that i'm surprised i had any readers at all. i'm not sharing as many personal stories here as i thought i would, but i think that might be a good thing. sometimes ambiguity is good and a little mystery makes me all the more intriguing, right? ha, just kidding. i definitely have a lot going on in my head still; that will never ever change. but i think it's better to leave those things where they are. if i really need to get those thoughts out in writing, i have another blog that's private. plus, i'm trying new things with that private outlet. a friend suggested to me once to just try typing - no going back and fixing things, no spell check, no deleting, just keep on typing. as difficult as that is for me, being a perfectionist and a bit obsessive-compulsive, it's probably good exercise for my brain. plus, i think the more pure and unedited your thoughts are, the more meaning they have.

as for other aspects of my life, [besides music and show related] things are going really well. i probably should leave the past in the past and not even make the comparison... but compared to last year, this year is paradise. roommate tensions have dissolved, friend tensions have dissolved, weird band tensions have dissolved. gymnastics has finally stopped haunting my dreams [yes, literally]. and i feel like the four year depression i was stuck in is finally lifting. i have purpose, for the most part, at school as an english major. in fact, i'm so ahead that i could technically be classified as a junior if i wanted to take an extra class next semester. but i'm not, because i'm content with being normal. i'm done being "that girl" from high school. i'm enjoying my classes right now, too. we're reading one english classic after another in my literature class - pride and prejudice, jane eyre, lord byron's poetry, david copperfield, and the picture of dorian gray - and i'm loving every second of my non-fiction class; it's a great outlet for stories i have, until recently, yet to tell. two weeks until thanksgiving break, then it's only a few more weeks until the semester is over; time really flies. next semester should work out pretty well too; i'll post more on that when i get my schedule finalized. there are always the inevitable things that will continue to haunt my thoughts though.

this halloween marked the two year anniversary of my mom's death, and this past monday would have been her fifty-first birthday. naturally, that was hard. time goes by so fast, but then again so excruciatingly slow. whoever said that time heals all wounds... they lied. plain and simple. so of course that is a constant source of thought and worry and pain and whatever way it might manifest itself. i still think about her everyday and the pain is still there. maybe numbed a little, but it's still there regardless. there are also the constant worries about the future, but i'm trying to settle my mind with the thoughts of just getting through college before i deal with "real life." i have so many friends in the industry that i want to be a part of that i'm sure it will work itself out when the time comes; i just can't help but agonize over it. and then of course, being the nineteen year old girl that i am, there are the boys. and they steal all the extra space in my head. so many heart aches they cause and i'm sure they have no idea. but i'm never one for confrontation [it wouldn't do any good anyway] so i just keep it safely in my head. so much torture and agonizing over ridiculous things though - a specific phone call here, a certain text there. all in front of me to pick apart until there is nothing left. [there probably never was in the first place, but i have a thing for holding on to false hopes.] i fall for the ones that i can't have. the ones that fall for me, i don't want. and that's just how it goes.

to end on a positive note though:
1. tomorrow signifies that the week is halfway over!
2. i'm visiting my best friend on saturday and seeing regina spektor with her!
3. we're having thanksgiving dinner on sunday amongst my group of friends!

thus, my life.
and everything just keeps on going.

st. louis: state & madison, the heyday and cavashawn

weekday shows are a bitch when there's a two hour drive involved, but this one was definitely worth it. it had been three months since i'd seen cavashawn and two since i'd seen state & madison. definitely not okay when i was seeing them every few days over the summer. so i hauled ass to st. louis on a wednesday night, dropped off my stuff at home and headed down to the loop. hung out at starbucks for a while and eventually met up with nikki and stephanie who drove in from chicago/eiu. we made our rounds and said hello to everyone and caught up on always-interesting gossip. [tony was apparently a little impatient. i got a text saying "where you is?" to which i replied "right behind you..." haha.]

state & madison played first. and played a very short set. tony said later that they had to cut four songs - two of which were new. boo. so that was kind of a bummer, but they put on a great show nonetheless. one of their new songs that i've heard maybe twice before, finally has a name - phantoms - and i absolutely love it. once again though, it's cicero's, in which band line-up is key; there weren't too many people there yet. but i knew all the faces that were there, so they had their main group of fans present which is promising. i always forget just how much i love them until i see them play again, and everything is renewed. i probably look so dumb with my goofy smile plastered on my face, but oh well. the heyday played next, a band from denver whom i've never seen before. i've heard a lot about them though from various bands and friends, and they didn't disappoint. reminded me slightly of the format which is always a good thing. i ended up buying a shirt and cd for fifteen bucks and talked to the lead singer randy. good deal. at some point i'd seen jon and tiffany walk in and went over to say hey, and got sucked into quite the conversation. i've been really trying to get building rome to play shows with some, or one, or all of "my bands" and i'm really hoping it'll happen sometime in the future. *crosses fingers*

so cavashawn finally played and oh man. it was a great time. there was a large and very energetic crowd considering the night, and i feel like they've really improved since the last time i'd seen them. nick and tony came and sang for a few songs and the drunken shenanigans were definitely entertaining. there were also a few not-so-familiar faces in the crowd which is good. afterwards, we all stood around forever and had various strange conversations and were eventually kicked out, to where we then stood outside for a good forty five minutes and talked. lots of memorable events and conversations took place outside, but aren't quite suitable for a public blog... haha. so we eventually said our goodbyes, and nikki, steph and i got some jimmy john's for a much overdue dinner and headed back to my house. woke up six hours later. drove back to columbia. went to class. love it.

what is my life?

st. louis: barcelona and relient k

day two! meesh and i slept in and took our sweet time getting ready and ventured down to loop in search of food. we settled on bread co and eventually made our way down to the pageant. we were planning on meeting up with my friends erin and megan who had saved us seats, but due to the balcony being closed, the 21+ section was screwy so we ended up having to stand the whole night to the far right. barcelona, the main reason i went to the show, played first and hot daaaamn were they excellent. i've seen them once before at the beginning at the summer, but this was a great experience seeing them on a big stage. from what i remember they played fall out of trees, it's about time, lesser things, come back when you can, the takers, and stars. it was a short set, but i guess that's what you get being the opener. i was so happy i could have left right then and there and felt like my thirty dollar ticket was worth it. but of course we stuck around.

lights was next. [instead of fucking COPELAND who dropped their st. louis date. copeland who will be BREAKING UP after their last tour this spring. FUCK.] she was decent electro-girl-pop... good for her genre but not my thing. i prefer real instruments. relient k was after that and i've got to be honest. they were pretty awesome. i've never been a fan of them. it's not that i don't like them. it's more like... they have six albums out and i don't have the time or energy to learn and love that much music. i do know a few songs though, and they played most of them - be my escape, high of seventy five, mood rings, and sadie hawkins dance. we ended standing with our two friends that we'd met at the mutemath show the night before, lake and ross, so we said goodbye to them and headed to buy merch. the barcelona boys were outside so we ended up talking to them. the conversation got lengthy and quite entertaining - i was wearing my we the living hoodie [yes i wore it the night before as you can see in my previous picture; i pack light, leave me alone.] and brian mentioned that they were "good friends" to which i replied "yeah, so i've heard." brian says "oh, so you know them?" to which i replied "oh, that's an understatement." he didn't seem to believe me so i tried to explain myself... but how do you sum up a story like that? the skepticism was brutal though. someday maybe he'll understand. like when they tour together...? [i put in a good word, not to worry my friends.] so we stayed and chatted with them for quite a while and brought them leftover halloween candy from the previous show. what a night. love bonding with band boys.

[these would be the hooligans called barcelona]

so that was that. quite the amazing weekend full of music. neither of us had to be back particularly early on sunday so went out for lunch, made the obligatory starbucks stop to see my favorite st. louis barista, and said our goodbyes. fun times, but exhausting nonetheless. i can't believe i've made it through this week thus far. cavashawn/state and madison/the heyday coming soon...

st. louis: mutemath and as tall as lions

so after an already exhausting thursday night, i somehow managed to make it through my friday with the sights of another show in the near future. i scrambled to finish my packing after class and was on my way to st. louis once again, by a little before three. i met michele at my house and it was absolutely lovely seeing her again - we realized it had been three months since we'd seen each other! way too long, i say. we scarfed down some chinese food that my dad brought home and were on our way to the pageant by five or so. doors weren't until seven, but ours were earlier since we has vip passes. to our surprise though, there wasn't even anyone in the regular line yet. but we went in and talked to levi, the "in charge of vip people" person. meesh introduced me to him since they'd me at previous shows, and we passed the time fairly quickly. we got our coveted spot right in front and waited for the show to start.

as tall as lions played first and apparently this was the first show in a few cities that the lead singer was even able to sing, due to sickness. so it was nice to hear a real set, not just instrumental. they were really great and i'm definitely planning on picking up their music. there was only one opener so mutemath was up next. man oh man were we stoked. they opened with the nerve and things only got better from there. i can't even describe how great of a live show they put on. i'll admit, i'm still not totally won over by the new album yet, and i haven't really listened to mutemath that much as of lately. but holy damn did they put on one hell of a show. i suggest that all of you see a mutemath show before you die. darren, the drummer, is set up near the front of the stage in which you get to see all of his crazy antics. this guy is a regular monkey. he runs around and bangs drumsticks on anything he can find. he throws mic stands around and at one point throws a drum into the crowd, leaps out himself, and eventually hoists himself up on the drum that the audience is holding. he then proceeded to jump from the drum back to the stage, which was probably a good six or seven foot jump. insane. utterly insane. they ended the show by destroying everything on stage. sweeeeeet.

'

[me and darren, the drummer from mutemath]

'

we talked to as tall as lions for a while after the show and they were all hilarious. meesh got some pictures with them, including some rather strange shots of dan holding her hands trying to telepathically send her his birthday. (it didn't work.) we eventually made our way outside to wait for mutemath, and after waiting for what seemed like forever, and after delivering halloween candy to rob from as tall as lions, darren came out and then eventually greg. both of them recognized meesh and commented on the fact that her family had been at the past three shows, which i found to be hysterical. gotta love the swiharts. we got pictures with the two of them and made small talk. we eventually said goodbye to levi [probably around eight times that night] and told him we hoped to see him around next tour. he was so adorable, i just wanted to stuff him in my pocket and smuggle him home. two out of four band members were good enough for me, so we headed to steak n shake for dinner, then proceeded to stay up until five am watching youtube videos at home. go us. but it was great to catch up since we hadn't seen each other in forever and i don't regret it in the least. more to come about the rest of the weekend when i get the chance.

st. louis: ludo and ha ha tonka

oh ludo, my wonderful loves from st. louis, how i have missed thee. here's a quick run down since i'm (one) drowning in homework and (two) have more show reviews that i still need to get to.

i booked it home from class on thursday and was speeding my way to st. louis by around four. traffic was horrendous since it was raining cats and dogs, and it took me almost three hours to get down to the pageant. bleh. but it worked out regardless, because hardly anyone was in line. angie came home as well for the show, so we met up and got in line along with her brother tony and his friend alec. once inside, we opted for spots a little further back, just above the pit area. we had both room to move around, and a place to set our stuff. (stuff being a ton of free posters, cds, stickers and patches. hell yes.) without a face opened, which is a one man band with quite the witty lyrics. meese was next and i was pleasantly surprised. i'll definitely be picking up their music when i get around to it. and the last of the openers was ha ha tonka. i can't say that i'm a huge fan of their albums; it's a little too honky tonk for me. but those boys have some serious talent and put on one hell of a live show. they played hangman, which is a cappella with four part harmonies - gives me chills every time, and the oscillating fan song which is hilarious. ludo finally played and put on a stellar show. vocals are always spot on, convy is always hilarious, and they never disappoint. set list is as follows:

go-getter greg
hum along
elektra's complex
saturday night thunderbolt
topeka
girls on trampolines
horror of our love
broken bride
save our city
tonight's the night
the lamb and the dragon
morning in may
drunken lament
lake pontchartrain
goodwill hunting (with the star spangled banner in the middle)
love me dead

good times. broken bride was epic and brought back many memories of ninth grade; love it. i didn't stick around long to talk to anyone because i still had a two hour drive ahead of me, but i did get to say hey to jon who was promoting outside. i got back at an absolutely horrendous time of night, started some of my packing for the weekend, and crashed hard. more blogs to follow about friday and saturday when i find the time...

chicago: we the living || columbia: the working title

the trek to chicago started friday morning. i cleared out my guests, got my oil changed real quick, popped in to see my friend kiera who was home on fall break, and was headed north by around twelve thirty. the drive was relatively painless and i got to sam's house, freshened up, awaited stephanie's arrival and then we were off. destination, lake forest college to see we the living. i can't believe it's already been a month and a half since they were here in columbia. time really flies.

we eventually found where we were supposed to be after spotting the band van, and creepily stared through the student union window until matt took notice and let us in. hugs were all received and we settled into nice comfy couches and enjoyed a really great show. it was a different atmosphere for a show, that's for sure, but i liked it. nobody was yelling or screaming; there was no pushing or shoving. we were all merely curled up on our respective couches and listening to great music. the set list itself was more laid back than i'm used to - more heights of the heaven-like. not to say that i don't like a good rock show, but relaxing shows are always nice. the taylor swift song was of course played again, and i knew it was coming the minute jp mentioned his girly friend he made in nashville this summer, haha. they also covered the district sleeps alone tonight, which i haven't heard literally in a YEAR, so that was a nice bit of nostalgia. and lastly, they came back and covered fake plastic trees for part of the encore. the sound was probably the best i'd heard in a while, as were the lights. i think we the living FINALLY has their light show figured out. no blinding strobes, no seizure inducing flashes, no dots to be seen for hours post-show; these were tastefully choreographed to the music and it looked really awesome. overall, it was probably one of my favorite we the livings shows. that was only number eight so i don't have a ton of comparisons, but i really enjoyed myself. we hung around for quite a while afterwards, got a chance to talk to everyone and ate amazing cupcakes that sam had made. ben and i discussed awkward pickleman stories, matt accused me of being on drugs, and jp explained his ultimate fan-boy moment to me and i feel we had some pretty good bonding time over mikky ekko. ha. overall, great time. oh, and nora was there too and we chatted for a bit as well. love love love that girl. and she may very well have me convinced that nashville is the place to be on december seventeenth. i'm working on it, but it's in the process of being made possible.

next day, saturday. sam, her sister caitlin, steph and i went to see where the wild things are at a cute little place called muvico, and got buffalo wild wings for dinner afterwards. delish. we creeped around wal-mart for a while, came home and watched dazed and confused, and then went to a house party to see devon kay and the solutions. interesting night... let me tell you. wayyyy to many drunk hipsters crammed into a tiny apartment, and way too many bands playing, but it was fun i guess. by the time devon played though, him and his band were so trashed they could barely even stand up, much less tune their guitars. it was entertaining to say the least. they were good though and i'd definitely like to see them again in a real show setting. it was super late by the time we got home, so i pretty much crashed the minute we got there. i was on the road by eleven thirty the next morning, and got home at about a quarter after six. long ass drive, let me tell you. all i wanted to do was lay down on my bed and do nothing. but what's the first thing i see when i turn on my laptop? the working title was playing in thirty minutes at a venue downtown. and what band have i been really into the past few weeks, and what band did matt and i discuss at their show for a good while? yeah, the fucking working title. so i huffed and i puffed, and changed clothes and went to see them play. it's all about the benjamin's and we are voices were playing as well, and some other bands i don't remember. i was exhausted. but it was a great show. came home, didn't do any of the homework that needed to be done, and passed the fuck out. what a weekend. now i just have to make it until thursday and the cycle repeats... ludo on thursday, mutemath on friday, and barcelona and relient k on saturday, all in st. louis. wheee.

st. louis: gardening, not architecture

hello thursday night! so great to see you, knowing that you're the beginning of my weekend.

i survived my french midterm and the workshop of my non-fiction piece today, and that was just the beginning of a good day. i scrambled to pack, and hit the road towards st. louis by five or so. i meandered my way through ghetto town, got really lost, but eventually found the venue (of course i'm ditching school for a show, duh.) a little late. this journey was for a little band called gardening, not architecture, the musical project of sarah saturday. name sounds familiar, you say? why yes, yes it might. she's done it all. behind the scenes shenanigans at warped tour, establishing the 'earn it yourself' website, a key contributor over at buzznet, her bands... all kinds of stuff. she's also jp roney's sister, you know, that one guy from we the living whom you faithful readers hear about fairly often. oh, and she has a bouncing souls song named after her, but that's besides the point. so anyways. i'd never met her, but we've been internet acquaintances for a while so it was great to put finally a face to a name tonight. and she's the sweetest person ever! the show went well and i tried to overcome my awkwardness, being at yet another show alone. sarah introduced me to her tour manager and some friends though, so we made friendly chatter.

and now, as i sit here at home, my real home, i'm awaiting the arrival of said sarah saturday and touring friends who are planning on sleeping here. and tomorrow morning i'm off to chicago to see the other roney sibling's band. what a weekend, and it hasn't even started yet. good thing i was still doing homework up until an hour ago to keep me rooted in real life...

st. louis: manchester orchestra and brand new

i'm sitting here staring at my cursor blink, blink, blink. because i have no idea how to start a blog about one of the most monumental days of my life. but alas, i guess i'll just dive in. as we all know by now, i'm fucking insane. so when i found out a week or so ago that brand new was scheduled to play a rare acoustic set at vintage vinyl before the pageant show, i knew i had to be there. so i called vintage vinyl monday night to see if they had any wristbands left. to my utter surprise, they did. so what did this fucking lunatic do, you ask? she drove to fucking st. louis. right then and there. bam. two hours there. and i got one of the last five wristbands. two hours back. called it a night. WIN.

next day, tuesday. skipped my last class of the day and booked it back to st. louis. again. because as mentioned before, i'm insane. i got to vintage vinyl around three thirty and was definitely one of the last people to get there. i was pretty far back in the crowd, but considering it was only a crowd of maybe two hundred, i still had a bad ass spot to see mother fucking BRAND NEW. they were late of course, and didn't start til close to four thirty, but whatever. i was just trying to hold back tears of joy. they played a small set, including bought a bride, bed, okay i believe you but my tommy gun don't, jesus christ, and at the bottom. there were lots of false starts, playing of wrong chords, and forgetting of lyrics, which i found to be hysterical. then they declared they would be signing in the front of the store, which worked out in my favor since i was standing so far back. so i merely turned around and didn't have to wait long at all. i handed over my cd with shaking hands and proceeded to get it signed by everyone. fan girl moment to the max!

*cool side note*
the couple standing in front of me were making small talk with jesse while waiting, and they mentioned how bummed they were that they didn't get tickets in time to see the show at the pageant later. and what did jesse do? he said that was a shame, got their names, and straight put them on the guest list. and i can totally vouch for the fact that jesse lacey is a man of his word. i saw the couple at the show a few hours later. so all the bad press out there about him being a dick, totally false. he was completely down to earth.

but to continue...
i decided it would be faster to merely walk down to the pageant instead of drive and try and re-park my car. so i made my way down there and got in line, which was surprisingly short. doors opened about forty-five minutes later, we went in and proceeded to wait for another hour. in that hour, i made friends with the group standing next to me. three of the five of them were named jordan, and i ended up befriending all of them on facebook. talk about professional creeper skills. gotta love meeting people at shows! sybris, a chicago native band was up first and i was pleasantly surprised. they were pretty good for being an opening act. they reminded me of a darker and harder company of thieves. manchester orchestra was next and oooooh myyyy gawwwwddd were they spectacular. and... i've gotta be honest, they kinda stole the show. music-wise; vocally and instrumentally, i must say that they were far superior to brand new. i haven't been a long-time fan, but their two records have indeed been on heavy rotation the past few months and i can easily say that i know both records by heart. i was a little disappointed though, it felt like they played such a short set - it was only around forty minutes. they played pride, shake it out, now that you're home, my friends marcus, i've got friends, everything to nothing, the river, and lastly a mixture that jumped back and forth from colly strings to the only one. totally epic. totally bad ass. they left me craving way more than i was given, which means i am anxiously awaiting their next tour.

and finally brand new. after standing for what felt like ages, and enduring the freezing cold air-conditioning aching back and feet, and severe hunger and thirst, brand new came out and quenched it all. they played for a good hour and a half. the set included you won't know as the opener. everyone immediately FREAKED OUT and pushed with all their might to get closer. so i quickly took off my shoes [i was an idiot and wore my flats] and put them in my bag and pushed up with everyone else. i ended up getting to about the second row, pretty sweet. lots of elbows and hands and arms in my face and other places that i didn't so much like, and lots of full grown men crying on my shoulder. it was quite the experience, let me tell you. next was degausser, okay i believe you but my tommy gun don't, sic transit gloria and jaws theme swimming. they then decided to introduce themselves. "we're brand new". no shit you guys. it's not like the crowd is singing louder than jesse or anything. for real though, there were times when it was annoying because you couldn't even hear them singing or playing because the crowd was so loud. next was the no seatbelt song and after that jesse telling us "i don't think i have enough air in my lungs for this, but what the hell" and proceeded to scare the shit out of everyone with vices. next was gasoline, in a jar, you stole, luca, sowing season, archers, jesus christ, bought a bride, sink, at the bottom, and finally play crack the sky, which was acoustic with andy hull from manchester. there was surprisingly no encore, which people seemed to be pretty upset about. but i was dying at the point so i didn't really care. i put my shoes on, found my friends joanna and kory, and shuffled my way all the way back to where my car was.

so overall, i can't lie. manchester orchestra was, musically at least, my favorite band of the night. but i'm so sentimental when it comes to brand new, and their music as a whole means so much to me. it's to the point where i don't even care how awful or great they sound, i'll love them unconditionally, regardless. so that was tuesday. what a day. seriously, what a fucking day. i could go on for ages, but this blog is already a mile long. i commend you if you've gotten this far. i really don't care if you have or not though, this is mainly so i can remember the epic night when i'm old and senile.

st. louis: see the world and my lady four

weekday shows, especially beginning-of-the-week shows aren't my favorite thing during the school year, but this one was definitely worth it. see the world is a new band, but by no means new people to me. [if copeland and barcelona had a love child, it would be see the world.] jeremy, lead singer, played bass for a while with we the living, and sam, well i guess you can say that we've been facebook friends for a while and share lots of mutual friends. ha.

so i left columbia a little before four on tuesday and decided to head down to the loop to get some bread co for dinner. i called jeremy to see what they were up to and it turns out they were at said bread co. so i pulled up a few minutes later and we had ourselves a lovely little dinner date and caught up since it's been a YEAR since i'd seen him last. i finally got to meet sam too, which was nice. cute kid, super sweet, and so ridiculously tall! so we headed over to the venue after a while and they got set up and introduced me to the guys in my lady four. we proceeded to sit and wait for doors to open. the first band was pretty interesting; they used live auto-tune which was a bit of a turn off [since tony's brainwashed me], but besides the weird vocals they didn't seem too shabby. [i looked them up later and noticed they'll be back in st. louis soon playing an acoustic set - i'm really curious to see how they'd sound sans distortion.] random chick-drummer band was up next, but sam, jeremy and i hung out in the bar for a while since it was FREEZING cold in the venue area. see the world was up next though, so we headed back in, and i really enjoyed their set. i'm pretty sure they played their ep in it's entirety plus one new song, which i really liked. it's just the two of them so it was interesting hearing just keys and guitar with so much in the backing tracks; i can't wait to hear them live with the full band.

my lady four was up next. i hadn't heard of them before the "see the world tour" hype, but i'd checked out their music online a couple weeks ago and it sounded good. they proved themselves in a live setting too - i really liked what i heard. i don't like comparing bands to each other, plus it's hard to do... but they reminded me a bit of fall out boy. pretty traditional pop-ish rock, but maybe a little bit harder. a few songs were reminiscent of my brief love affair with emery too. so that was that. there was one last band but we were all too antsy and cold to sit through it so we jeremy and i hung around outside while the guys loaded up the trailer. they decided it would be best to drive to columbia, as i had offered them a place to stay, and jeremy rode with me on the drive back. i feel like i say this about every band i blog about, but it still amazes me. i've only seen this guy twice before in my life, but it feels like we've been friends for ages. we had ourselves some good converation for a good two hours, and thoroughly enjoyed cake and ice cream for dinner at two in the morning when we got back to my place. who knows when everyone else got there, i was a goner. they left around nine-thirty the next morning to head back to minneapolis, and there you have it. my lovely tuesday night adventure. jeremy said they hoped to be back near the midwest soon come springtime, so i hope he's telling the truth. i can't say that i like full-year spans between seeing my friends and bands.

the beauty of language

“language is not merely a means of expressing thought, but a constraint of it.”

korean uses one word for “in” when one object is in another snugly (a letter in an envelope), and a different one when an object is in something loosely (an apple in a bowl). sure enough, korean adults are better than english speakers at distinguishing tight fit from loose fit.

in australia, the aboriginal kuuk thaayorre use compass directions for every spatial cue rather than right or left, leading to locutions such as “there is an ant on your southeast leg.” the kuuk thaayorre are also much more skillful than english speakers at dead reckoning, even in unfamiliar surroundings or strange buildings.

cool facts to make up for my lameness. why am i home alone when the rest of my town is probably partying and drunk right now?

st. louis: building rome cd release and the noise fm at play:STL fest

what a whirlwind of a weekend! i left columbia at around three thirty, got home two hours later, and turned around and left my house again just an hour or so later to head downtown. it was so weird to be home. it had been five weeks; this was my first time coming home since move-in, a crazy feat for me. last year i was home almost every weekend, if not at least every other. at first i wasn't even all that excited to go home, but once i got there it felt really good. i had really missed my hometown. the familiar faces and "regular" treatment at starbucks, my house and the way it smells, my kitty, my bed... and of course my dad, although he was hardly home all weekend either. but it felt really good to be home, and i'm glad i went.

friday marked the long-awaited cd release show of building rome, one of the only bands that st. louis has left who hasn't gotten huge and run away to other parts of the country yet. i've known them for quite a few years, and have seen them undergo many changes in line-up, style, and pretty much everything under the sun. i was losing hope for a while, but they're definitely back in action, and things are going strong. as always, i was dreading going alone to yet another show. but it seems these days, with the more shows i go to, the more familiar faces i see. so after crawling my way down to the loop and spending a good half hour looking for parking, i finally made my way to the pageant. play:STL fest was going on and in full swing, hence the terrible amounts of traffic. but i finally made it, about a half hour late. i missed most of without a face, but i did get there in time to see tim ferrell from ludo make an appearance. (woo!) i was only there for a few minutes when a girl turned around and squealed my name... but the stage lights were super bright making it impossible to see who it was. i inched forward and realized it was julia, the girl that i met at warped tour! she was one of the girls i worked with for fueled by ramen, and i remembered her saying she was a big building rome fan. so we chatted in between sets and ended up having really good time together. it wasn't long before i spotted drew and stacy, and later on tabitha. cavashawn fans are everywhere... ha.

if i remember correctly, our last summer played next. not too fond of their music, it sounded like every other nasally pop-rock band out there. i'm a little fuzzy on details, but i think after them was last night's vice. oh my. they were interesting to say the least. i felt like i was at pointfest watching a cross between seether and nickelback or something. ugh, not too fond of them. but julia and i made the best of it. there weren't too many people down in the pit at the time, so we noticed the guy behind us very obviously dancing around like an idiot. well we decided to join him and did some pretty bad ass interpretive dancing. i believe the macarena was started, and we even slow danced together for a bit. good times. this is energy was up next. they were nasally pop band number two of the night, but were a little better than the first. we waited through the set and FINALLY building rome was up next.

they opened with the first song on the album 'what are we fighting for?' and it was a pretty kick-ass opener. they played a good mix of both new, really old, and semi-old. notable songs i remember include nightmare, dr. doctor, last time again, streetlights, choking on eggshells, gangster baby, one in a million, panting dog, and belly dancer girl. even more notable was the cover... they played poker face! and it was fantastic, the crowd really loved it. they got called back for an encore, and eventually called it a night. overall, i was really impressed. with the crowd they drew, and the performance. this was only my sixth time seeing them, so i don't have quite the extensive knowledge of their growth and progression as a band, but i was pleasantly surprised by the crowd. the pit wasn't super crowded per se, but it was definitely full. and although the balcony was closed, the entire first floor's worth of seating was full as well. by no means was it sold out or anything, but for a predominantly local show, i thought it was a pretty good draw. ludo was helping out and really pushing the show, which i'm sure helped. the band itself sounded really great too. it's been almost a year since i've seen them play, and they'd added two new members since way back then. the combination of two talented new members (formerly from a local band from waaaay back in the say, centerpointe), writing an entirely new concept album, recording, and lots of hard work, promotion, and practice, the band really sounds good. i've only listened to the album all the way through maybe three times, but it's growing on me. this definitely isn't the "gangster baby" bulding rome, but regardless i like it. they're a lot darker and somewhat harder than previous albums, but it's a natural progression for them i think. overall, i like it, and i'm happy for them in what seems to be the direction they're headed. i talked to both jon (of building rome) and alex (of the noise fm) and both have mentioned trying to hook up some shows together in the near future.

so that was day one of my music-filled weekend. day two involved the noise fm, dear future, eikon, ellee ven, owen, and finally copperview. once again, by myself. but i made a friend whose name i didn't even get, but she was there alone too so we hit it off great and talked about all the shows we'd both been to. longest show of my lifeeeee though, oh my goodness. it got started earlier than expected, probably because there were six bands to squeeze into the night. but the noise fm opened, and rather unfortunately only got to play for about twenty-five minutes. i've said it before, but i can't stress enough how much band order at cicero's can lead to either a huge success or epic failure. well in my opinion, the noise got screwed. granted, there was a good crowd there to see them [a lot better than the last time they were here], but people were still coming in and even still in line at the door when they were finishing up their set. and compared to the crowd the entire rest of the night, it was pretty shitty luck. sonja and veronica, friends and music crazies like myself from chicago, came and missed their set because they played so early. now i'm not saying their set sucked or anything by any means. it was great, as always. and the crowd was definitely better than last time; progress was made which is great. but it just sucked to see how much more potential there was for such a kick ass show, compared to the rest of the night.

so after them was dear future, who i'd never heard of, but i really liked. they reminded me a lot of barcelona. it was a little low-key, apparently because they had just lost two members of the band. but they didn't want to cancel the show and played anyway. well i didn't notice much lacking and still really enjoyed their music. next up was eikon, who i was really stoked to see. i believe it was me, michele and possibly amanda too, who had seen them open for state and madison quite a few months ago. we were all blown away and sad to hear it was their last show since everyone was leaving for college. well apparently this little band from st. louis relocated to nashville and was back in action. and holy shit did they kick some ass. they'd improved ten-fold and i was totally digging their sound. it reminded me of a mix between paper route, maybe a little circa survive and mutemath, with some killer thom yorke-like falsettos. long story short, they were great and are apparently releasing a new ep in early october. next was ellee ven. total shit show. not worth mentioning and i'm shuddering just trying to bring up any memories. next up was owen, who seemed to be a pretty big deal, and the reason my nameless friend was there. well owen is apparently a full band; this was just one guy and his guitar. mike kinsella? maybe you recognize the name? it sounded vaguely familiar to me, and apparently he used to be in a band called american football. but his guy melted my heart. to quote a tweet from that night "Lumberjack hipster from Chicago. Acoustic guitar. Fully bearded. I am melting." that pretty much sums him up. the majority of the crowd left after that, and what was left was copperview, a hinder-esque growly metal band that i was NOT enjoying one bit. i made my way to the back to sit with sonja, veronica and alex, and we talked/hand signalled/laughed our way through the set. i also noticed about three fourths of the bands from the previous nights show at the bar, and chatted briefly with some of them. they were probably too drunk to even remember, but whatever.

long story short, us girls plus the noise boys got some jimmy johns and had many LOST related conversations, and finally left around two in the am. the guys stayed with a friend, and the girls followed me back to my house and i think we all passed out pretty quick. they had planned to leave at ten, but i definitely woke up at noon and saw that there car was still in the driveway... ha. they came in to say their goodbyes at two, but we promptly sat around for another good hour or so talking about shows, local bands, mutual friends, and other general gossip not worth repeating. overall, a fantastic and music-filled weekend. i was sad to be heading back to school so soon.

columbia: we the living

the infamous band finally came back to my neck of the woods, and my oh my was it an entertaining few days. they played southeast missouri state on tuesday, and drove up to columbia the following day. i was eating lunch wednesday afternoon when matt called.

"hey, what are you doing?"
"eating lunch...?"
"well we're in st. louis right now, so that means we'll be in columbia in like two hours right?"
"yep."
"well let's hang out!"

so come nine o clock, that's precisely what we did. there's not a topic left in the world that we didn't cover. notable things being the gigantic spider on our apartment sign [so they say], pickleman's fried pickles, ben being on crack, and the obligatory discussion with matt on my post college plans involving music and writing. funny how every friend i have in the music business asks why i'm still in college and not touring with a band, and how they wish there were more of me to clone and spread to various cities. i've definitely heard that one before. those are some of the best compliments you can give me, and i hold them in such high regard. they passed out early which was somewhat fortunate; i had a chance to get some homework done and actually get a good night's sleep.

i went to class on thursday while they pulled the usual nine-to-five-in-a-coffee-shop-with-wireless-internet... and we eventually met up after class. i got some work done, met their tour manager adam and publicist nora [who actually graduated from mizzou last year; really sweet girl] and got a ride back to my place so they could pick up their two boxes of tee shirts. well eight o clock rolled around a lot faster than i had expected so me, katie, bri and lauren headed over to mojo's. not too much of a crowd at first, but the place filled up pretty fast and i was pleasantly surprised with the number of people there. it was mainly a plethora of drunk bitches, but it was a crowd nonetheless. they put on a fantastic show and i noticed loads of improvement since the last time i saw them in january. the girls screaming jp's name incessantly were annoying and i was about ready to slap them, but i still had a good time. best laid plans and half the girl never fail to give me goosebumps and old memories flooded my head; i may have gotten a little teary eyed... such a girl. i said hurried goodbyes after the show and we all headed home since katie and bri both had to get up super early. the original plan was to have band slumber party number two at my place, but travel plans made it easier for them to stay at nora's, so we made coffee plans for the morning instead.

it was such a great three days. i can't say it enough, how good it was to see those boys. it had been eight months. and eight months ago i didn't even get to say hi to two thirds of them. so this was a much needed reunion and i'm really happy with the way everything went down. three months ago you might remember a somewhat bitter blog about this band. things were cleared up yes, but i feel like three days worth of face time and good conversation restored anything else that may have been lost. the past is in the past and i'm very content with leaving it there. grudges aren't my forte thankfully, and the only thing left to be disappointed about is the fact that i have plans to see them only once more on this tour.

so now i'm left with the usual thoughts brought about post-good-friends'-shows; what the hell am i doing in school? please take me with you because i know in my heart that i don't belong here. i belong with a group of people who live their lives to play shows day in and day out. and i want to do everything in my power to make that possible and help them be seen by all the world.

columbia: treaty of paris, ha ha tonka, and the first week of school

nothing like a show on a thursday night to shape up my first week of classes. roman candle, treaty of paris, and ha ha tonka. even though i got there a good while after doors opened, i still seemed to be one of the first people there. so chris kept me company for a while and we discussed their soon-to-be recording session. (can't wait for a new treaty album!) and once again, just when i think i have to go to a show alone, molly and her friend rachel showed up. love those girls. roman candle opened, and although i'd never heard of them before, i really enjoyed their set. they reminded me a lot of the format, which is ALWAYS a good thing. then sam tweeted me that fun (basically a regrouping of the format, in simple terms) has a song called light a roman candle with me. weeeeeird coincidence. but anyway, i digress. treaty was up next, and they put on a fantastic show. it was my first time seeing them in a real venue, so that was cool. my treaty virginity was taken at wicker park fest; quite the different atmosphere. so the three of us sang along, danced and laughed at nick who was making ridiculous faces at us the whole time. ha ha tonka played last and HOLY CRAP do they kick some serious ass. i'll be honest - i bought their album a while back and just couldn't get into it... too folksy, a little bit too far on the side of country. but hearing them live was another story. four part harmonies that make your brain want to explode and your heart melt. it was pretty sweet. i intended to duck out fairly quickly, but got sucked into a lengthy and somewhat drunk conversation with nick. that was interesting to say the least, what a flirt. so after a good half hour of discussing college and cats with mr. fonzi, i finally made my goodbyes and after lots of hubbub about the ha ha tonka after party... i headed home. great way to wrap up the ending of week one.

speaking of week one...

it was quite successful if i do say so myself. classes are great, i actually enjoy most of them. and i feel like i'm headed in a direction of some sort with a major declared this year, which is an encouraging feeling - i'm taking writing about literature, french two, intermediate creative non-fiction, and writing intensive peace studies. i'm barely even into the school groove yet and i can already tell this year is going to be a million times better than last. i've complained about it before and most of you who read this already know; dorm life wasn't for me. i'm an only child; i never learned to share my room, my food, my belongings. i was quite uncomfortable with both roommate number one AND two, and i just couldn't catch a break from any of it. but i'll leave it at that. no need to dwell in the past. the present is what (dare i say it) has a hint of a smile on my face. yes, it's only been a week, and yes it's still technically summer, but i'm HAPPY. such a simple statement, but an absolutely huge one for me. i haven't been this happy during school in a very long time, if ever. i don't want to raise my expectations too high though. saying that winter leaves me depressed, and that i am most likely a victim of seasonal affective disorder, is quite the understatement. but hopefully this winter won't be as bad as the past few. this place actually feels like home, and i'm hoping it will take care of me when the cold comes around and tries to ravage my mind.

i was at a really low point last year, and was almost on the verge of just dropping out, or at least staying at home to finish school. mizzou is huge and to be honest, isn't the place for me. summer gave me time to clear my head and think though, and i now have some pretty focused ideas in mind for the future. good friends and good music have placed me in the midst of a fantastic job opportunity if circumstances will eventually allow. we'll see where everyone's at in three years when i get around to graduating though. i wouldn't dare speak too soon. as for how an english degree pertains to it all... well it doesn't really. but i like reading and writing, and a college degree is of utmost importance to me, so the english degree will be great cushion if life leads me in another direction in the next few years. i had some very thought-provoking conversations with a friend before moving back to columbia; about both staying in school and taking time off, and about moving here and there, about touring with one band or another, working here or there, in this coffee shop or the other one, writing this or that... on and on and on... you get the point. and while i think i'm finally coming around and breaking out of my obsessive-compulsive, perfectionist shell, it's still a work in progress and i'm hoping the journey through this semester and the next, will continue to point me in the direction best fit for me.

columbia: the spill canvas and lifeinjersey [the goodbye summer/back to school edition]

the annual fall welcome concert - a first for me since i was sick and confined to my bed with a fever last year. but it was quite the spectacular event. eye alaska opened for the spill canvas, and both bands put on a good show. i'd seen eye alaska open for ludo last fall, and distinctly remembered how strange they were... good, but strange. lead singer wears this nerdy little backpack 24/7, usually has some hideous hipster glasses on, constantly gives death/sexy-time stares to the audience, and this time came on stage non-chalantly eating an apple. and continued to munch on it during the entirety of their first song. what. the. fuck. but whatever, the sounded great and i broke down and bought their ep. spill canvas was up next and man oh man was i a giddy fan girl. first time seeing a band will do that to ya. they sounded fantastic, besides being a little out of shape. you could tell they hadn't played a show in a while; nick kept apologizing for the massive amounts of sweat he was dripping on us and told us they were trying their best to come up with cool stories to buy time to rest, haha. i was literally bursting from excitement, but the crowd didn't seem nearly as ecstatic as me; i was one of only a few singing along. they of course closed with 'all over you' though, and the crowd suddenly sprang to life. i don't think i realized just how mainstream that song had become.

day two of "just how many shows can devon squeeze in before classes start?" - starring we are voices, highland fall, and the always amazing lifeinjersey. AND it was at the cherry street artisan which is always a plus. arrived at eight, talked to carson briefly and watched a great show. we are voices opened, highland fall was next, and then finally lifeinjersey. there seemed to be a few people there besides the usual band members + girlfriends/wives, so that was nice to see. i ducked out pretty quick though, since it's sunday and classes start tomorrow. so that was it. the last show of summer; the last show for, oh... four days, haha. treaty of paris is playing at mojo's on thursday. but that was it, the grand finale of my summer. here's a short list to put things in perspective:

13 weeks of summer.
24 shows.
8 different cities.

countless new friends made, and countless memories made as well. here's to fall, and here's to new things. the amount of shows and promoting abilites will ineveitably slow down due to classes and studying, but not too much if i can help it. september and october are already filling up and i couldn't be more excited. thanks for a fantastic summer and i love you all; every single one of you that made me smile this summer. you know who you are.