there is something about this time of night. something about this song on repeat. something about it that reduces me to just the bareness of my soul and makes me so utterly calm, yet so broken down and torn up inside and exposed to everything in the world, all the hurt in the world, yet all of it's beauty - it's dizzying amount of beauty - all at once. it leaves me speechless. and it breaks me down to tears.
it makes me want to hop in my car and drive with the windows down so i can feel the wind rip through my hair, even though it's an icy twenty degrees outside. makes me want to call you right now just to talk about it, but it's four in the morning and i prefer the realm of my comfort zone. i want to know what THIS is. what is it, that gets into my heart and eats it alive, yet motivates it and moves it like this? it breaks my heart, but i think it heals it a little bit, all at the same time. it's happiness and complete loss and sadness at the same time. and i just don't understand how that's possible.
this was private. and i'm wrestling with making it public. raw thought without any edits. here we go, before i change my mind.
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