chicago: fourth annual fall formal

featuring state and madison, urbanites, windsor drive, and koo koo kanga roo

what a perfect way to end thanksgiving break. a trip to chicago! [seriously, what else were you expecting?] it was the fourth annual fall formal, but this was my first year in attendance. it's been a slowly building tradition, but everyone treats this show as a sort of prom, and gets all dressed up and ready to party. in the words of mike racanelli, "what do girls like to do? get dressed up and dance." lights, streamers, balloons, confetti, a photo booth... my oh my, was it a good time.

i left around ten on saturday and made good time; arrival time in chicago = around three o clock. it's amazing how the absence of traffic can literally shave an hour off of that commute. meesh and i met sam at her house, but decided to go to liz's house to get ready instead. sam's mom was in "a mood" and nobody wants to intrude on those treacherous mom moods. sam's car had been overheating so i braved the chicago streets with great success. we got dressed and primped and fussed until everything was perfect and headed down to beat kitchen.

koo koo kanga roo was up first and i'll have to admit we were all a bit skeptical from what we'd heard prior to the show. they're not exactly a band. i'd call them more "entertainers" or "performers" maybe. rappers, as opposed to musicians if anything. but they were hysterical, and i enjoyed their set. lots of break dancing in the middle of the dance floor, lots of yelling and chanting and crowd participation, and lots of silly dances. it was a fun way to start the night. windsor drive was up next and they played a solid set. i really enjoyed their music and ended up buying two EPs after the show. nice guys, and all very nice looking as well. up next were urbanites who BLEW MY FUCKING MIND. i've said it before and i'll say it again: every time i see them they have improved ten fold. they just finished recording an album and it'll be out in early 2010. i highly suggest you pick it up. i swear to you, these guys are gonna blow up soon. they only played one old song if i'm remembering correctly, but all the new stuff was great. two of their new songs involved a mini orchestra and it was epic. i had goosebumps. can't wait for them to play some more shows in the future

and finally, last but certainly not least, was state and madison. i'm usually good at taking mental notes but i was having to much fun and didn't really care to keep track of anything. i don't remember much of the set list, but i remember it being awesome. i believe there were four covers thrown in there; i love rock and roll being the last song of the night and involving members of treaty of paris and cavashawn swarming the stage for a jam session with the entire crowd dancing and screaming "i love rock and roll." it was pretty bad ass. i also remember being severely worried about jonah's health at one point. he makes strange faces all the time and he falls off his stool all the time, but this time i was just hoping he would make it through the set without passing out or throwing up. he made it though, and all was well.

we all made our rounds afterwards. i bought some merch, talked to windsor drive, part of treaty, part of cavashawn and said hurried goodbyes to mike and most of state and madison. being underage, we were all shooed outside and proceeded to stand around for another hour. chatted with various people, took some pictures, met a few band boys' girlfriends who know me as "girl with the bear in her basement", and gave some hugs. we left at last and a whole slew of about thirteen girls and one guy went out for dinner. stephanie so graciously let meesh and i stay with her, so we eventually ended up crashing over there. and i was on my way back to columbia by eleven the next morning.

thanks to everyone for such a fantastic weekend. i can't even begin to describe how much i love all of those people. there are just too many of them. they're seriously my family away from home and i feel like i can say that i feel like i belong more in chicago's music world than i do in st. louis's. but thanks to sam, meesh, liz, stephanie and nikki most of all. and molly, andrea, sonja, veronica, alex, and everyone else i only sort of know, and everyone i met for the first time, and all the band guys who i'm not about to list. you make feel warm and fuzzy inside. love youuuuu.

p.s. congrats to sonja on her 81st state and madion show. fuck yeah.

p.p.s. i'll try and add some pictures when i get the chance.

home is where the heart gets confused

i've been home for a good while now on thanksgiving break. and on my to-do list, one line reads "write a heartfelt blog." i've been putting it off for most of the week because i'm trying to process things and organize my thoughts with all of the extra time on my hands. well so much for extra time. i always have good intentions of being an introvert on breaks and hanging around coffee shops reading and writing all day. but i get caught up in the various friend and family related activities because it's necessary to uphold all of my relationships with these people. so the reading and writing gets pushed aside until god awful hours of the night. so here i am, probably with overly emotional words because that's just how things work with me and three am.

first, is my home in st. louis. and the idea that's firmly planted in the back of my mind, seeing as my dad actually brought it up in conversation. he wants to sell the house and move to the farm in illinois. he wants to sell our home, my home. the first thought that comes screaming to the forefront of my mind is this: "but it's not what my mom would have wanted!" a) we agreed as a family years ago that the house wouldn't be sold until i was out of college and settled in a stable home somewhere. b) i don't want to live in the middle of nowhere, even if i won't have a permanent residence there. i know these things happen; it's a part of growing up. but you have to understand that every "family" decision that takes place now, solicits heightened emotion from me because my mom isn't here to be a part of it. my dad and i are polar opposites and we will never agree on a lot of things. my mom was the understanding one, always mediating and helping us see eye to eye. i mentioned the fact that i would no longer receive in-state college tuition if he moved while i'm still in school, and i'm hoping that's enough to keep him rooted here for two more years. i'm so emotionally attached to this place and saying goodbye is going to be rough.

second, is my home in columbia. dorm life wasn't my thing; i never felt settled and i never felt comfortable. so i moved off campus into an apartment and life took a huge turn for the better. i have my own room with a door i can close, i have my own bathroom, a kitchen, a living room and anything else i could ask for. i was finally settled in somewhere with no worries about having to uproot my life again for a solid three years. well i guess i got too comfortable. because i got the boot. kelly, our fourth roommate who was placed at random, is moving out at the end of the summer - that, i knew about and was fine with. i still had a place to live with two friends i trusted. katie and bri had talked briefly about getting a house or something, but realized prices were too high and decided to stay put, which we had all agreed on. but in the last week, they've decided to get their own place - one bedroom, one bath, with no one else in the way of their relationship. so that leaves just me, which isn't an option, no way. i can't say i'm mad at them for leaving me, because i know that's not the intention. but a little sympathy for the "other friend" (me) would be nice, and a little warning and conversation with the other two girls i'm planning to live with would have been nice too. because now i have to uproot my life once again and move in with angie and abby. good thing i have some friends willing to let me live with them. i guess all i can say, is that i'm happy i'll have my own bathroom now. and i really hope nothing goes south in katie and bri's relationship.

as for life besides my current housing situations, it's pretty good. my annual winter depression is trying to worm it's way into my mind, but i feel like i'm doing alright this time around. i'm chicago-bound on saturday, then back for two-ish weeks of classes with three shows thrown in the mix, then HOPEFULLY going to nashville on the seventeenth, depending on whether or not my petition for a different final exam date is approved. cross your fingers. shit's gonna fly if i'm not driving east that thursday morning...

kirksville: regina spektor

just when i go and write this huge long post about not many shows in the near future...

to be honest i kind of forgot about the plans i had to go to kirksville for the weekend to see miss spektor. but alas, it was a good time. i more or less used the show as an excuse to visit my best friend kiera though; i hadn't seen her in ages and it was great to catch up. not to say that i don't like regina spektor... i do. i just don't actively listen to her music and keep up with current albums. but the show itself was absolutely amazing. add her to the list of artists you need to see live in concert before you die. fer realz. this chick has some LUNGS. and some RANGE. whew. opening band was pretty legit too - they were called jupiter one. i was with not-so-regular-concert-going people though, so i didn't get to meet anyone afterwards. but it was still a great time and regina gave me goosebumps and produced tears on multiple occasions.

short and sweet, there you go.
the show was just too awesome not to mention at all.
and like i said, just when i mentioned no shows in the near future...
see the world is apparently playing on campus this wednesday?
but i've been hearing rumors that it's being cancelled due to rain?
i guess we'll see.

four days until thanksgiving break!

genuine thoughts

there has been a brief lull in shows and to be honest, i'm breathing a sigh of relief. there isn't much going on in that aspect of my life [besides fall formal] until december. as much as i love the lifestyle of traipsing about the country to hear amazing bands and see good friends, it's difficult to balance with the demands of school and always-looming deadlines. the stress was accumulating and i apparently wasn't dealing with it too well, especially in the past two weeks or so. i was on the verge of a panic attack for a while, and actually talked myself out of one that started to come on in class one day... i guess that's progress? avoidance, when it comes to panic attacks at least, is a good thing. but regardless, the end of all that came with the end of last week. the weekend was full of nothing, and that's precisely what i needed. this week has been pretty low key too and i'm glad of it.

***

this blog has pretty much turned into a list of show reviews, but i think i'm okay with that. my previous blogs were so riddled with depressing stories and teen angst and emo lyrics that i'm surprised i had any readers at all. i'm not sharing as many personal stories here as i thought i would, but i think that might be a good thing. sometimes ambiguity is good and a little mystery makes me all the more intriguing, right? ha, just kidding. i definitely have a lot going on in my head still; that will never ever change. but i think it's better to leave those things where they are. if i really need to get those thoughts out in writing, i have another blog that's private. plus, i'm trying new things with that private outlet. a friend suggested to me once to just try typing - no going back and fixing things, no spell check, no deleting, just keep on typing. as difficult as that is for me, being a perfectionist and a bit obsessive-compulsive, it's probably good exercise for my brain. plus, i think the more pure and unedited your thoughts are, the more meaning they have.

as for other aspects of my life, [besides music and show related] things are going really well. i probably should leave the past in the past and not even make the comparison... but compared to last year, this year is paradise. roommate tensions have dissolved, friend tensions have dissolved, weird band tensions have dissolved. gymnastics has finally stopped haunting my dreams [yes, literally]. and i feel like the four year depression i was stuck in is finally lifting. i have purpose, for the most part, at school as an english major. in fact, i'm so ahead that i could technically be classified as a junior if i wanted to take an extra class next semester. but i'm not, because i'm content with being normal. i'm done being "that girl" from high school. i'm enjoying my classes right now, too. we're reading one english classic after another in my literature class - pride and prejudice, jane eyre, lord byron's poetry, david copperfield, and the picture of dorian gray - and i'm loving every second of my non-fiction class; it's a great outlet for stories i have, until recently, yet to tell. two weeks until thanksgiving break, then it's only a few more weeks until the semester is over; time really flies. next semester should work out pretty well too; i'll post more on that when i get my schedule finalized. there are always the inevitable things that will continue to haunt my thoughts though.

this halloween marked the two year anniversary of my mom's death, and this past monday would have been her fifty-first birthday. naturally, that was hard. time goes by so fast, but then again so excruciatingly slow. whoever said that time heals all wounds... they lied. plain and simple. so of course that is a constant source of thought and worry and pain and whatever way it might manifest itself. i still think about her everyday and the pain is still there. maybe numbed a little, but it's still there regardless. there are also the constant worries about the future, but i'm trying to settle my mind with the thoughts of just getting through college before i deal with "real life." i have so many friends in the industry that i want to be a part of that i'm sure it will work itself out when the time comes; i just can't help but agonize over it. and then of course, being the nineteen year old girl that i am, there are the boys. and they steal all the extra space in my head. so many heart aches they cause and i'm sure they have no idea. but i'm never one for confrontation [it wouldn't do any good anyway] so i just keep it safely in my head. so much torture and agonizing over ridiculous things though - a specific phone call here, a certain text there. all in front of me to pick apart until there is nothing left. [there probably never was in the first place, but i have a thing for holding on to false hopes.] i fall for the ones that i can't have. the ones that fall for me, i don't want. and that's just how it goes.

to end on a positive note though:
1. tomorrow signifies that the week is halfway over!
2. i'm visiting my best friend on saturday and seeing regina spektor with her!
3. we're having thanksgiving dinner on sunday amongst my group of friends!

thus, my life.
and everything just keeps on going.

st. louis: state & madison, the heyday and cavashawn

weekday shows are a bitch when there's a two hour drive involved, but this one was definitely worth it. it had been three months since i'd seen cavashawn and two since i'd seen state & madison. definitely not okay when i was seeing them every few days over the summer. so i hauled ass to st. louis on a wednesday night, dropped off my stuff at home and headed down to the loop. hung out at starbucks for a while and eventually met up with nikki and stephanie who drove in from chicago/eiu. we made our rounds and said hello to everyone and caught up on always-interesting gossip. [tony was apparently a little impatient. i got a text saying "where you is?" to which i replied "right behind you..." haha.]

state & madison played first. and played a very short set. tony said later that they had to cut four songs - two of which were new. boo. so that was kind of a bummer, but they put on a great show nonetheless. one of their new songs that i've heard maybe twice before, finally has a name - phantoms - and i absolutely love it. once again though, it's cicero's, in which band line-up is key; there weren't too many people there yet. but i knew all the faces that were there, so they had their main group of fans present which is promising. i always forget just how much i love them until i see them play again, and everything is renewed. i probably look so dumb with my goofy smile plastered on my face, but oh well. the heyday played next, a band from denver whom i've never seen before. i've heard a lot about them though from various bands and friends, and they didn't disappoint. reminded me slightly of the format which is always a good thing. i ended up buying a shirt and cd for fifteen bucks and talked to the lead singer randy. good deal. at some point i'd seen jon and tiffany walk in and went over to say hey, and got sucked into quite the conversation. i've been really trying to get building rome to play shows with some, or one, or all of "my bands" and i'm really hoping it'll happen sometime in the future. *crosses fingers*

so cavashawn finally played and oh man. it was a great time. there was a large and very energetic crowd considering the night, and i feel like they've really improved since the last time i'd seen them. nick and tony came and sang for a few songs and the drunken shenanigans were definitely entertaining. there were also a few not-so-familiar faces in the crowd which is good. afterwards, we all stood around forever and had various strange conversations and were eventually kicked out, to where we then stood outside for a good forty five minutes and talked. lots of memorable events and conversations took place outside, but aren't quite suitable for a public blog... haha. so we eventually said our goodbyes, and nikki, steph and i got some jimmy john's for a much overdue dinner and headed back to my house. woke up six hours later. drove back to columbia. went to class. love it.

what is my life?