i've been home for a good while now on thanksgiving break. and on my to-do list, one line reads "write a heartfelt blog." i've been putting it off for most of the week because i'm trying to process things and organize my thoughts with all of the extra time on my hands. well so much for extra time. i always have good intentions of being an introvert on breaks and hanging around coffee shops reading and writing all day. but i get caught up in the various friend and family related activities because it's necessary to uphold all of my relationships with these people. so the reading and writing gets pushed aside until god awful hours of the night. so here i am, probably with overly emotional words because that's just how things work with me and three am.
first, is my home in st. louis. and the idea that's firmly planted in the back of my mind, seeing as my dad actually brought it up in conversation. he wants to sell the house and move to the farm in illinois. he wants to sell our home, my home. the first thought that comes screaming to the forefront of my mind is this: "but it's not what my mom would have wanted!" a) we agreed as a family years ago that the house wouldn't be sold until i was out of college and settled in a stable home somewhere. b) i don't want to live in the middle of nowhere, even if i won't have a permanent residence there. i know these things happen; it's a part of growing up. but you have to understand that every "family" decision that takes place now, solicits heightened emotion from me because my mom isn't here to be a part of it. my dad and i are polar opposites and we will never agree on a lot of things. my mom was the understanding one, always mediating and helping us see eye to eye. i mentioned the fact that i would no longer receive in-state college tuition if he moved while i'm still in school, and i'm hoping that's enough to keep him rooted here for two more years. i'm so emotionally attached to this place and saying goodbye is going to be rough.
second, is my home in columbia. dorm life wasn't my thing; i never felt settled and i never felt comfortable. so i moved off campus into an apartment and life took a huge turn for the better. i have my own room with a door i can close, i have my own bathroom, a kitchen, a living room and anything else i could ask for. i was finally settled in somewhere with no worries about having to uproot my life again for a solid three years. well i guess i got too comfortable. because i got the boot. kelly, our fourth roommate who was placed at random, is moving out at the end of the summer - that, i knew about and was fine with. i still had a place to live with two friends i trusted. katie and bri had talked briefly about getting a house or something, but realized prices were too high and decided to stay put, which we had all agreed on. but in the last week, they've decided to get their own place - one bedroom, one bath, with no one else in the way of their relationship. so that leaves just me, which isn't an option, no way. i can't say i'm mad at them for leaving me, because i know that's not the intention. but a little sympathy for the "other friend" (me) would be nice, and a little warning and conversation with the other two girls i'm planning to live with would have been nice too. because now i have to uproot my life once again and move in with angie and abby. good thing i have some friends willing to let me live with them. i guess all i can say, is that i'm happy i'll have my own bathroom now. and i really hope nothing goes south in katie and bri's relationship.
as for life besides my current housing situations, it's pretty good. my annual winter depression is trying to worm it's way into my mind, but i feel like i'm doing alright this time around. i'm chicago-bound on saturday, then back for two-ish weeks of classes with three shows thrown in the mix, then HOPEFULLY going to nashville on the seventeenth, depending on whether or not my petition for a different final exam date is approved. cross your fingers. shit's gonna fly if i'm not driving east that thursday morning...
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