corny motion city soundtrack title, you say? sorry, i couldn't think of anything better. but without further ado, here it is. the official "looking back on 2009/here's to new things in 2010" post.
i can't really say that 2009 was my year or anything that extreme. but it was definitely a memorable one, and probably one of the happiest i've had in quite some time. i definitely feel like i have more direction in my life than i've had in previous years. i'm a sophomore in college. [i haven't dropped out yet.] i'm an english major and actually enjoying it so far. i've met lots of new bands this year, and countless new friends all across the country because of them. i made it to fifty-five shows. [that's a little more than a show a week.] you can call me whatever you like because of that, but music is my passion and it's as simple as that. no other explanation. and when i look back at my "resolutions" post from last year, i am confident that i did i pretty damn good job. i did things for me - things that made me happy - and tried my best not to worry about other people, in two different aspects. one - by not bending over backwards time and time again for people who don't reciprocate, or at least appreciate it. and two - by not letting what others thought about me get in the way of what i wanted to do. and i also discovered that music is not only my passion and a part of my very identity, but have been slowly learning about how that can be given real-world application. [read: current internship] i can't say i passed with flying colors, but progress was made last year and i'm happy with it.
as for this year, i'm not really sure... there has without a doubt been a lot of brooding going on over break. it's just what happens when i'm home alone for a solid month. and i think i've come to a few conclusions. nothing super concrete, but it's something nonetheless. i've come to realize that there isn't much tying me down to st. louis anymore. i came home for break with intentions of hanging out with all these friends and reconnecting with people i hadn't seen in ages. i'm not sure what kind of grand plans i had in mind, but what happened was nothing even close. besides the trip to nashville and soon-to-be trip to chicago, i've basically been hibernating and spending quality time with my laptop and Netflix DVD's. and being alone has taught me a lot. it's taught me to think purely for myself, and not with others in the back of my mind. it's taught me to be self-sufficient and do what makes me happy. if there's no one else around, there's no one to judge me and no one to tell me 'no, you can't do that'. so i guess what i'm trying to say, is that all of this is wrapping up nicely in my head - with the thoughts of nothing tying me to st. louis, [or columbia for that matter] i am free to go wherever i please. and do whatever i please. and since i have no real connections in these cities, i can go where i DO have connections, specifically, music connections. and where are those places, you ask? well if you know me and/or read this blog, it shouldn't be hard to figure out.
so what am i trying to say here? i'm not even sure, to be honest. but here's what i know. i know that as much as i complain about the uselessness of school, i want that piece of paper. i want that degree. and i'm getting it in english because that's the next best thing. the degree is the back-up plan. the musically-involved connections are the real plan. as for this year - the start of a new decade - i plan to keep on moving forward. a friend was telling me the other day just how different i was from the rest of our little group. everyone but me has been in a longterm relationship; i'm always the single one and always feeling the weight of that. but she was explaining to me that everyone else is willing to just graduate college, get married, and settle down in a house with their family. "you're unique you still have big plans for your life and they're different than ours. you haven't found the guy for you yet, because you're not even in your element yet." everything she said painted this really clear picture, and i like it. and i'm excited. so this year, i'm gonna keep doing what i'm doing. i might be going against the grain and against the ways of society, but i'm okay with that, i'm comfortable with that. because i have so many amazing people backing me up. so thank you friends, thanks for inspiring me. you know who you are.
2010, i'm ready to take you on for everything you're worth.
i will be honest.
i will be hard-working.
i will be sincere.
i will be passionate.
i will be myself.
i will love.
and most of all, i will discover.
"learn to value yourself, which means: to fight for your happiness."
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