when worlds don't quite collide

i've always had multiple groups of friends. it's just been a part of life. everyone has their typical group of high school friends. you know; they're the best, they're super close, they're always there for you. you try and schedule all the same classes together, you eat lunch together, you carpool to and from school, you join extra-curriculars together, you hang out every weekend. but for me, it was different. i didn't have time for much of a social life within the realms of high school. i had a whole different life that prevented me from doing any extra-curricular school activities and from even being able to hang out with school friends on weekends. my sport was my job, and it was serious business.

being the competetive gymnast i was for fourteen years, i practically lived at the gym. twenty hours of practice a week and a meet every other weekend across the country... it brings you really close to your teammates. these girls were some of my closest friends and they'd seen every aspect of me. when you're in that high stress and strict of an environment, it brings out both the best and the worst in poeple. those girls had seen me at my most stressed points, at my lowest of lows and sometimes literally at my breaking point. not many people experience that side of me. with all of that being said, there's still a catch with the gym girls as well. yes we got to hang out at the gym and travel together to meets. but when we were home, things were different. i lived an hour from the gym. all my teammates lived a mere ten minutes away. so seeing them outside the gym and on weekends was a joke. no mother wants to drive a two hour roundtrip for an hour of "hang out" time. once i got my license, neither did i.

fast forward to the present time. i've been out of gymnastics for a year and half, went to college and have replaced gym time with concert time. long story short, i've become partcularly fond of the music world and would do just about anything to see a show. this invlolves roadtrips and meeting friends that live in other states who i've met through various social networking sites. it sounds strange, but in this day and age with the ever so amazing technology factor, i guess not so much. but these people i've met because of varous bands have become some of my closest friends and i have shared countless memories with them. it goes without being said though, the distance factor is a big one.

then there's college. without complaining, and without trying to sound like a downer, i'll just say this. i haven't made many friends. i have the three girls i came with from high school. that's about it. i don't go out much; i'm not a huge partier. and i'm pretty quiet until you get to know me. so it's hard for me to be in a huge lecture hall with hundreds of kids buzzing around, and try to make conversation. it's just not the way i operate.

so there's my problem. i have so many different circles of friends [some still non-existant, but hey, i'm working on it] but none of them are even remotely mutual. my high school friends all live within ten minutes of me, but that's when i'm not off at school. my gym girls all live at least an hour from me. it's not often i have the time or money to go visit. and of course my 'internet friends' are very hard to come across in person. yes we have planned [and sometimes quite spontaneous] roadtrips, but those are few and far between. and the even bigger problem is the fact that i probably have the most in common with the ones that are farthest away. the internet can only do so much.

there's also the factor of the vastly different lives i live with each group - highschool, gymnastics, and 'internet' friends. i've been through four years of highschool drama and the death of a parent with my highschool friends so needless to say, we're close. they know me almost better than i know myself. so is that the real me? then there's the gym girls. the rich girls with their new coach purses every week and whose parents own private planes and live in half a million dollar homes; the girls who i spent years and years with living out my passion for gymnastics and travelling the country with. it takes a certain level of mental toughness and dedication to do what we did. is that the real me? then there's the people i've met i guess because of fate, and because we share a passion for music and enjoy supporting the bands we love. but can you really maintain close friendships purely through cyberspace? is there a point where human to human contact is neccesary? is that the real me? there are so many 'inner selves and social worlds' as my social psychology book tells me. so if there are so many different "me's", how do i figure out which one is the right one? i guess i just have to realize that all these different groups are molding me into one well-rounded person. but you have to wonder. at least i do.

i wonder which group, if any, i should choose to be one hundred percent part of. i feel as if i've just been floating around all of them without fully commiting myself. it's great to be non-commital sometimes and belong to so many different groups; that's part of what make life exciting and spontaneous. but i also get kind of worried when i feel myself leaning towards the group that i exist in via cyberspace. i feel as if i'm cheating my other friends; my 'real' friends. the friends i've had for years and years and hang out with on a weekly, sometimes daily basis; some of them i even live with. so what's a girl to do? just coexist i guess. just live within my multiple groups and try and make the best of it. and i'll see where that takes me. maybe someday i'll get lucky and all my groups will collide. that would certainly make for an entertaining experience.