i cleaned my room. i cleaned my room and all my problems seemed to disappear. since when has cleaning been therapeutic for me? not until now, that's for certain. last week was a bad week; for some reason everything was upsetting me and i was working myself deeper and deeper into a pit of angst. [deeper and deeper into the kitchen floor in fetal position having a break down.] but i cleaned my room and everything in my mind - like my room - is now clean and collected. it's nicely organized and i feel like i have some direction. i emptied out my room and thus, emptied out my head of all the clutter. and it feels better. i don't want to say good, but better.
it's also weird to me that as soon as i come to the conclusion that i'm very happy being single and am in no way ready or looking for a relationship, at least four opportunities have presented themselves in the past three weeks. not saying i will or want to act on any of them, but it's weird. almost annoying. why are you mocking me, god? i tell myself i don't need anyone else, i tell myself that i'm only letting myself feel lonely. it's all in my head, i just need to find things that make me happy. for me, and for me only. i make up my mind to live for me and my happiness and BAM. so many people popping up that i don't want to let in yet. i have to figure out my heart for myself before i let someone else have a go at it. makes sense right? maybe i'm just a tease, maybe i'm being selfish. but my heart is pretty happy where it's at right now. cleaned out of all the clutter. and [i think] i would like to keep it that way for a while.
Maybe letting someone in will help you figure out your heart for yourself. It did for me.
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