so today was the day. back to columbia. new apartment, new phase of life, and new roommates to adjust to and to learn to embrace. i got hardly a wink of sleep last night which didn't help anything, mentally or physically today. got to the reserve at nine, unloaded some crap, then snuck away to catch the noise fm at hot topic at two. well it was basically [and unfortunately] a joke. me, and two other girls - one of whom worked there but must have helped the guys set up the show. but alex and i got a chance to talk which was nice, and i heard about the sketchy show in louisville the night before. i skipped out pretty quick after; there was still a lot to attend to at "home".
i finally finished what i would actually like to call a bedroom by around five, and it's a pretty good feeling. it's eerily like home; the room is set up similarly with the door, closet, bed and window all in the same places. i'm sure i subconsciously added to the "room at home" feel on purpose, i need familiarity to be comfortable here. but i like it. so katie and i freshened up a bit, then headed out to the cherry street artisan to see the noise fm play a real rock show. the artisan is a great little coffee shop in downtown columbia. again, another place perfectly for me. coffee shop + music venue = perfection. there was hardly anyone there, maybe around seven to ten for the show. but it was good regardless. the nosie fm sounded really great, much better than at the firebird. and it's all about the benjamin's played too, and were pretty good. fun night with some absolutely amazing coffee. katie and i chatted with austin for a bit, but didn't hang around for long. we were both really dragging.
it's barely eleven thirty right now, but i've never felt so drained in my life. both physically and mentally. i got maybe two hours of sleep last night, plus i think i'm starting to come down with something. it's a curse i think, i was sick last year the day after i moved in. fever, chills, sore throat, the whole nine yards. i think it's just all the stress and a huge shock to my system, and my body completely freaks out. my head hasn't quite caught up with the rest of me though, which i guess is good. i've been so busy and so preoccupied with today, that i haven't had any time to stop and think. it hasn't really hit me that i'm back. i'm in columbia. at mizzou again. in an apartment. so much better than last time around already, but i loathed this place with every fiber of my being last year. i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared yet. i have a focus now, i have an actual major. but there are still so many thoughts humming in the back of my mind:
what am i even doing here? why english? but i like english; i like reading and writing. but is it worth it? all the time, the effort, the money, all the stress ...but i'm too much of a chicken shit to do anything else. ...but what if i did?
for now i'm just going to take it one day at a time. and right now i still need to focus on settling into the place before i start making premature judgements. this year could very well be different and things could take a very different turn from what i'm expecting. as for the next show to distract me from all the heavy shit of real life... the spill canvas on campus next saturday and lifeinjersey at the artisan the following day.
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