the other side of the great divide

we the living. the infamous band that started it all. i wish i could say it was two years ago today, but in fact it was two years ago on saturday [i forgot, i wonder if that says something], that i met matt and stefan of we the living for the first time. that last minute decision to go see ben folds and john mayer has forever changed my life. i think that every person has a handful of monumental events happen in their lives that forever change things and leave a permanent impact. well this one of those events for me. it may not seem like a huge deal, but they were the first band that i truly cared about; and they truly care about me as well. and that has impacted me SO much these past two years and is precisely what's put me on the path i'm currently on.

it was a group of about five or six girls who decided super last minute - the day of - to go see the show. i think most of us were more excited about ben folds than we even were about john mayer. but that's beside the point. well we were standing around waiting after we had bought tickets when two guys walked up to us with an ipod and headphones in hand. well we were a big group of girls, so the first thing we think is "oh shit, creepy guy alert". well i guess our facial expressions were saying the same thing, because matt and stefan walked up to us and right away assured us they weren't trying to hit on us or pick up any chicks, they just wanted us to listen to some of their music. well everyone was being shy, so i spoke up and said i would take a listen. matt put the headphones on me and pressed play and i heard what i now know as 'best laid plans'. well this wasn't your average shitty band trying to get by; these guys had some serious talent and i was floored. i forced everyone else to take a listen and we all agreed. i bought a cd on the spot and promised to be at their july 3rd show at cicero's.

well a week passed and kiera, katie and i were getting increasingly excited for this show at cicero's. we'd all been listening to the cd nonstop in the car and had memorized all the words already. needless to say, by the time we got to the show, we were all quite giddy. dreams were quickly crushed though when we realized we all had to have valid id's to get in the venue. katie, at the time, didn't even have her permit much less any other form of identification, and kiera had left her license at home. well we rushed back home, dropped poor katie off, grabbed kiera's id and floored it back to cicero's. we made it in plenty of time and still got to see we the living play. little did i know that amanda and michele, now two of my very good friends, were standing right next to us the whole night. well the guys finished up a great set and i got the chance to talk to all of them i believe, but stefan and i really got to talking about shows and promotion and the like. we ended up exchanging e-mails with hopes of setting up a show at my high school in the coming months.

well back in the day, the guys were great with staying in touch with fans and stefan, ben and i kept in close contact. we eventually got a show finalized at my high school, with the intent of an NHS charity event. october 25th finally rolled around and we the living showed up at my school. i was a nervous WRECK the whole day... long story short; everything that could possibly go wrong was indeed going wrong. but while i was at lunch selling tickets for the show, my friend jason comes running up to the table telling me that the guys had made it and were in the band room talking to some of the classes. i left poor kiera and raced to the band room. i rounded the corner and there they were - jp, matt, ben and stefan. standing in my band room. my high school. such a weird feeling. well i guess i looked like an idiot with my mouth hanging open because they all turned around and laughed at me. we said our hello's and exchanged hugs and i skipped the rest of my day to hang out in the band room listening to stories about life as a musician and acoustic versions of atlantic, saint paul and london rain [i even convinced them to play joy].

the evening show was absolutely fantastic. NHS members were required to be there an hour early, but the guys obviously knew how to set up their own show. so while everyone else was confined to the hallway, kiera and i got the chance to sit in on their sound check and chat for a while. the show itself was absolutely amazing and i'll never forget having best laid plans dedicated to me and that kiss on the forehead. it was absolute euphoria.

the following night they played at cicero's and i'll never forget walking up to the line and thinking the two girls standing there looked so damn familiar. one girl was giving me the "do i know you?" look as well. upon closer inspection i realized it was michele and amanda from the last time i'd been at cicero's. we said our hellos [while JP had his "OH EM GEE" moment] and enjoyed another great show. we finally ended up finding each other on facebook and well, the rest is history. now we travel to shows together all the time.

it wasn't until summerfest that i saw we the living again. by this time, michele, amanda and i had become pretty good facebook friends and decided to get a room together in milwaukee. it was strange, feeling so close to these two girls who i'd only seen in person twice before. well we had a fantastic time; i don't think i've been on a better road trip. it was about three months later that i saw we the living again at mizzou, my own school once again. it was strange seeing them at "my school" again, but this time being a huge university. i really enjoyed the show and i think it was about an hour long conversation that matt and i had sitting outside that night. i guess it was strange for the guys being at show not knowing anyone but me; they all really clung to me that night and we all had some really great conversation. looking back, i really miss those times.

well fast forward to almost the present time. things have started to fall apart. it's a natural process; bands gain fans, play more cities and get busier. more facebook comments to deal with, more myspace messages, more people to cater to, more fans to keep up with. i understand that, i really do. but slowly, connections started to crumble. stefan left the band, was replaced by jeremy, who turned around and left just a few months later. now it's just the three of them. we the living has always been very into their philosophy of objectivism and are huge ayn rand supporters. all of them speak highly of atlas shrugged. well this is great, to promote your beliefs and even to let those beliefs lead your band. but it's when those things get in the way of the music; that's when we have a problem. now there are many who will argue this to the death, but we the living slowly started drifting away from the music, and focused more on the business aspect of their band. new ideas were brought up and not very well received; there were the secret shows which caused mass amounts of ruckus. there was one point where i was online talking to ben and jp online, as was michele, expressing our discontent about the secret shows. well we apparently pissed jp off enough to make him sign off in mid-conversation and blog about the whole ordeal. i was left with a crying michele on my hands.

since then, close friends/fans have been sliding away. amanda was fed up and now hasn't had much to do with them. michele recently did the same. it's so upsetting to see them push away their closest and most long-standing fans. the people who care about them the most, and only want the best for them, are the very people they are pissing off and pushing away. i don't expect a band to listen to every critique i throw at them - it's their band, not mine - but if you can't even take a suggestion or some criticisms, i'm sorry but you're in the wrong business. no i don't have a business degree, but neither do you. and i support enough bands to know what works and what doesn't. you can't cheat the system by playing "secret shows" and high school shows only. sometimes you just have to suffer a little bit and play clubs with an audience of ten people for a while until you make an impact. it's just the way things work.

i have since reconciled with jp and "nothing has been lost or broken" in his words. but for me, some of that magic is gone. i don't bend over backwards like i used to. sure i'll go to a show if they come my way, but things aren't quite the same. i still love those three to death, i probably always will, but they've lost a little sparkle in my eyes. so many negative things i know, but all that aside, i really do love and adore we the living. they played at west just a few days before my mom died - and after that they took such great care of me. e-mails and messages making sure i was okay, asking if there was anything they could do. i even recieived an e-mail from jp informing me he had written and recorded a song for me expressing his feelings. i still have that e-mail and the song; it's on my ipod even, for when i'm having a shitty day. i will never ever forget that, as long as i live. it's those things that remind me they really do have hearts and really are just trying to do what they think is best. sometimes things just get in the way. they introduced me to an entire world i had no idea even existed. through them, i have met so many amazing bands and so many fanstastic people. there's amanda, michele, addy, sam, and chelsey. there's jesse, chris, benton and scott of cavashawn, there's nickolas, tony, mark and jonah of state & madison, there's mike racanelli, there's brad, dj, jeremy and steven of urbanites. there are countless times when michele and amanda have crashed at my house after shows. there's the many roadtrips to chicago and sleeping on cavashawn's couch. there's the soon to be annual trip to milwaukee for summerfest. so many great memories and such a great life i lead because of one single band. call it fate, call it a coincidence, call it great timing. it is what it is. and i'm so grateful to be where i am today thanks to we the living. we may have had our ups and downs but i will always have a huge tender spot for them in my heart. and i will always get goosebumps hearing one of their songs and it will almost always bring a smile to face and tears to my eyes because of all these memories that come rushing towards me.

*edit*

i'm getting quite a few reactions to this. please bear in mind my intent was to show how much we the living has impacted my life for the better and all the great things they have opened my eyes to, not focus purely on the negative. there's bound to be ups and downs in everything we do and with everyone we meet. my intent was not to offend anyone or put anyone down, i just wanted to share my story. and also remember that nothing is lost or broken. this is simply a blog about my feelings. you can write your own if you feel so inclined.